|You'll never beat this, NEVER.|
As if last year’s news of a fully modern Universal rework of their entire monster canon wasn't bad enough, the fact that they're starting with my favorite monster - and a monster that was already rebooted perfectly adequately in the 90s, might I add, but this time they're doing it with Xenu's blessing.
Back in November, the first son of Scientology signed on to the project which is being written by John Spaihts, whose writing history includes some spotty monster entries... most notably that awful VanHelsing film and the collective eyebrow raise of Prometheus. As we careen towards the first of Universal's planned release dates (June 9th, 2017, for this one), Variety reports that more high-powered cast members are being added, and one that popped up most recently is Russell Crow. Now, before you go assuming that he'll be some bravely academic archaeologist (that position will be taken by the unnamed Annabelle Wallis... from Annabelle), or a Lord Carnarvon type, think again. Crowe will be assuming the role of Dr Henry Jekyll (yes, that one) while Cruise will be portraying a Navy Seal hunting terrorists.
I'll say that again. A Navy Seal... hunting terrorists.
It's also worth mentioning that certain sources are expecting that Crowe's role will turn into a standalone film, and a spinoff series. *insert pre-emptive eyeroll here* I'm halfway intrigued to see how the fuck they're going to make this all work. It didn't go so well in VanHelsing. Just sayin'.
Sofia Boutella (the villainous spy on blades in Kingsman) will be taking up the role of the the eponymous Mummy... and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this.
Universal is off and running with their release plans - did you miss that Johnny Depp was cast as the tortured lead in the Invisible Man reboot? It has no director and no writer as yet, but you can bet we'll be keeping an eye on this and praying it doesn't turn out like Mortdecai or Dark Shadows. I'll be watching.
Oh wait... did I mention that they're also planning an MCU-style crossover film to finish it all off? I'll be over here watching Bud and Lou... or maybe I'll just be angry at Hotel Transylvania all over again.
|Pictured: When I used to love Russell Crowe|
Before he sang on film.
Are YOU on board for the Universal reboot series?
I still can't decide.
|Maybe they were just jealous of Disney's expansion plans...|