The Horror Honeys: L.A.Slasher: Or… Justifying Murder Because Reality TV Sucks

L.A.Slasher: Or… Justifying Murder Because Reality TV Sucks

A Slasher Honey Review with Chassity

L.A. Slasher (2015)

Technology has changed the world. Old school values have given way to the constant quest for fifteen minutes of fame. The sitcom is dead. Blah, blah, blah. Toss a quarter anywhere and it will land on someone who will be glad to tell you why reality TV shows and reality stars are everything that’s wrong with today’s world. 

Which is why you’d think that L.A. Slasher would be the perfect meta-ish horror movie for 2015. And it would make sense to have expected it to be extremely popular, if everybody is feeding off of the popular culture hatred of the famous-for-being-famous/famous-for-doing-nothing generation. 

At least, you’d feel that way if you were me. Because I absolutely fell in love with it. 

It’s (extremely) modern day Los Angeles, and reality show queens, heiress, failed actresses, and strippers who married “well” and turned into socialites are running amok. They’ve got nothing to do but go out to eat, pretend to avoid the paparazzi, and talk about how much their Twitter followers love them. You know, just your average day in the life of a Hollywood type. Everybody’s sick of them, and even they know it. What to do?

Enter the Slasher. He’s more sick of it than anyone, and has decided to take matters into his own hands. Why not put them out of their misery, while letting the people who hate them and their undeserved fame watch them die? Why not embrace the irony of the fame they seek so much being the very thing that kills them? Because the LA Slasher only exists as long as he has an audience for his acts. 

You can pretty much guess what happens next. The Slasher becomes a representation of the exact type of fame he hates so much. His fame rises with each report on his abductions, and he ultimately morphs into a Paris Hilton/Kim Kardashian for people who hate Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. 

It could actually be said that this concept is what L.A. Slasher boils down to. Everyone complains about technology and modern TV and pop culture, but we’re all guilty of everything we complain about. The film draws comparisons to real life and the people who claim to hate these things, yet can tell you so much about them that you might begin to think it’s not so much that they hate it, but actually secretly love it; in the film’s world, everyone claims that the actress, the reality star, and the heiress are worthless and deserve what they get, and that reality TV is destroying the entertainment industry… but if they hate it so much, how do they know who all of these people are and what they’re famous for?

Hmmm... I wonder who she’s supposed to be?
Here’s a movie that doesn’t even feel like a movie, and that’s one of the things I like about it. It feels like what it’s supposed to feel like; the real world. It’s dark, gritty, and inclusive of currently technology (we get to see the type of thing each character tweets, as well as their, um, “fans”). There are moments when it feels almost like a documentary. 

Even for those who can’t find anything else to like about it, one would be hard pressed to not at least find something frightening in the look of the killer. That white suit, that mask? Absolutely terrifying, made even more so by the contrast of a light yet creepy, comical voice such as Andy Dick’s. I can’t think of one slasher villain getup that I’ve found more horrific. The masks in You’re Next are the only ones that come close. 

If that’s not enough, this movie takes the cake for weirdest use of music ever. Some of it had an 80s feel, some of it was extremely melodramatic, and some of it was stereotypically modern pop. It’s like a sensationally weird drug trip. 

And speaking of pop, I will confess that the thing that first drew me to L.A. Slasher was Drake Bell. Don’t judge me; I grew up in the right age range of fandom for his tv show. The one thing I didn’t like; it could have used a little more Drake Bell. 

The characters being interviewed by The Reporter who argue that what the Slasher’s victim have done is destroying values and worthwhile media/entertainment, are the biggest example of what this kind of thing can do; they have let their judgment of celebrities turn them into people who think someone deserves to be murdered because they have rich parents or are on a TV show that other people don’t like. 

Seriously, how did this guy survive?
Which is further proven by the fact that the most despicable character is the MTV style internet news commentator, who seems to think the murders are a joke, and that the only reason to be sad about a woman dying is if you thought she was hot. I kept waiting for the Slasher to come after him, and am still wondering why he didn’t. However, I’ll give it a pass because he seemed to represent the voyeurism and “it’s-like-a-car-crash-that-I-can’t-stop-watching” mentality of the reality show audience. 

I cannot even begin to explain to you how much I love this movie. It’s endlessly entertaining, irritating in a good way, and hilariously nerve-wracking. In fact, I’m going to just stop here because I could go on and on about it. It’s the kind of thing I just want to talk to people about forever and watch over and over again. 

Slasher Honey Rating: 5 Annoying Kim Kardashian Tweets out of 5 

L.A. Slasher is available via iTunes, Amazon Instant Video, YouTube VOD, Vudu, Google Play, & DVD

Would you kill a reality star if you could?
Tell Chassity why: @ChassMM