The Horror Honeys: Haunted Horrorscopes - April 2016

Haunted Horrorscopes - April 2016


Aries (March 21 - April 20)
The month ahead is one of “personal power”, dear Aries. This is your yearly “new beginning” or fresh start. Which is weird since we’re already four months into the year. You have a New Moon occurring, which could explain some of your weird behavior, but own it. Going after what you want might be a little more complicated than you might expect, but don’t let that stop you. You do you, you weird little ram. Unless you’re drawing negative attention, then, you know, tone that shit down. Personal power doesn’t necessarily mean power over other persons. Just a heads up.

Taurus (April 21 - May 21)
This is the time for introspection, Taurans. Finding your voice and emerging from the relative backwoods. RELATIVE. BACKWOODS. This does not mean to go scavenging around actual backwoods and digging around other people looking for their voicebox. The stars wanted to make sure they were real clear about that. This month you’ll be emerging from a period of withdrawal and emotional renewal. Much has gone on behind the scenes to get you to where you are today. But, keep a low profile, just in case any of those scenes happen to be crime scenes.


Gemini (May 22 - June 21)
This month brings a mix of sociable and introspective energy to the twins. There is definite attention brought to contemplating your next steps. You could focus on friendships, networking, or community efforts. All of these things bring in a lovely array of potential victims. But don’t forget your long-term goals of personal growth and happiness. You were awfully busy last year, maybe this year, take a break. No need to focus so much attention on your work and bloody responsibilities. 



Cancer (June 22 - July 23)
Your larger, long-term goals are in focus this month, Cancer. But, the details of your daily affairs can be overwhelming at times, making it difficult to free your captives and attend to your more worldly goals. World domination doesn’t always happen one victim at a time. So, increase attention to your social life - get out there and get more people brainwashed. Think bigger, think better. Your desire for ultimate authority knows no bounds, now is the time to live up to your own hype. 




Leo (July 24 - August 23)
Lions, this month you are going to be tapping into your ambitious side. It’s a good month for recognition. Your ideas, insights, methods, and intelligence will be in the spotlight. On the news. For the whole world to see. What have you done, Lions??? Your responsibility to others can, at times, complicate the freedom and mobility you crave, but you’re easing into a more performance-oriented phase of the year. Ride the wave of leadership you’ve created amongst your flock. But don’t buy the koolaid. People are onto that. 


Virgo (August 24 - September 23)
Dearest Virgins, this month is strong for learning and experiencing new things. Your ruler encourages you to branch out and entertain new ideas, and possible even beliefs. But don’t get sucked into anything you can’t get back out of. It’s a great time to learn more about your own field of interests, but not for being told what those are. Explore new interests, probably by yourself. And for the stars’ sake: avoid the koolaid. 




Libra (September 24 - October 23)
You may find the pace of your daily life challenging this month, dear Libra. You are used to the quick, hectic pace of this time of year; but this month is starting off slower than usual. There may be disagreements with siblings, neighbors, or acquaintances. Finding the time or energy to handle all of your challenges may be… challenging. The desire to get a lot done is real, but the stars are showing me blocks… bricks… mortar… a wall. You’re building a wall? Where is your neighbor? Oh no. It may be a good month for travel after all.


Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)
April is strong for enlivening your work and daily routines, Scorpions. Mix it up a bit, keep the predators on their toes. Bring more pride into your day - but not too much, you don’t want to draw attention. Be creative - but not too much, you don’t want to invite jealousy. Be warm - but not too warm, you don’t want to give the wrong idea. Basically, stay out of focus this month. You may feel a bit off-and-on, try and keep it mostly off. When you’re “on” you become the prey and that is not what the stars want for you this month. 



Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22)
Archers, the month ahead emphasizes both work and play. Good thing for you those two things are exactly the same. You’ll be feeling inspired and creative this month. Even a bit dramatic. Your strong personal magnetism will allow a great connection with others, allowing for some interesting energy to flow between you. Remember, keep the voltage low, at first. Give off warm and exciting vibes, then you can boost that electricity through the roof. Let it flow freely from you and through them - whoever they are. Make them glow with the gift of your light, and lightening. 


Capricorn (December 23 - January 20)
Fresh thinking and new solutions to old problems will be your monthly milieu, Capricorn. You’ve been in a nesting phase of sorts, so it’s time to pull out of idle and get busy this month. Mix up your mundane, traditional routine. Bring Harmony, beauty, and warmth to your home. Refocus and re-establish yourself and your goals. Some surprises and excitement are in order for you and Harmony- mostly for Harmony. Poor Harmony. 




Aquarius (January 21 - February 19)
The stars are telling me that Uranus is quite active this month. But they keep giggling about it, so we’ll skip ahead. The spotlight for your this month is on matters of enterprise, initiative, independence, and communication. This is the time for action and inspiration. Your mind is likely to be flooded with exciting new ideas and philosophies. Forget about seeking actual knowledge, make connections and spread your ideas like wild fire. Find the Virgins, they are willing to listen this month. But avoid the Lions, they have had the same ideas as you. 


Pisces (February 20 - March 20)
There can be a big focus on your financial status and comfort levels this month my fishes. Reputation matters and can be a bit tricky at times, particularly when assuming someone else’s identity. Be sure to think about your assumed persona and make any important changes necessary to increase positive attention and allay negative attention. You may want to avoid unnecessary displays of rebellion or violence while practicing your impersonation, remember, the rich and powerful pay people to do that for them. You may experience the tendency to spend too quickly or throw yourself into this new life without research- if that’s the case, keep a watchful eye for your next mark, in case “you” have to vanish into another sea of comfortable riches.