The Horror Honeys: The Redwood Massacre: Get Your Shot Glasses Ready!

The Redwood Massacre: Get Your Shot Glasses Ready!

A Slasher Honey Review with Chassity

The Redwood Massacre (2014)

Finally. FINALLY. I can say that I truly feel like I’m back as Slasher Honey.

Sure, I’ve enjoyed the last two films I reviewed. But there is nothing like a good old, true-to-form, pure slasher. And, as it’s true I haven’t been exactly waxing poetic about the state of slashers lately, I was skeptical returning with this week’s choice, to say the least. 

But what I found in The Redwood Massacre was something surprisingly refreshing. 

You probably already know the drill. Based on a "true story," some young people go into the woods to try to find the house where a man went crazy many years ago and killed his entire family. Of course, legend has it that one of the man’s victims, (his son), was never discovered. Not even his body. We all know what that means.  

That’s right. Somebody (it’s never quite said for sure who, but the implication is that it’s the son) was left behind in those woods, and of course is just waiting to kill anyone who wanders into them. And he has the advantage over the unsuspecting young folks who have no idea he’s there until it’s too late.
Among the group are a guy who never quite makes it to the campsite; the other guy; his girlfriend; his snarky ex-girlfriend; and the girl who clearly doesn’t want to be there, spends the whole time whining about it, and makes for a terrible choice in a Final Girl. But we’ll get to that. 

First, a fair warning. This is NOT one of those slasher films where we see the major players in their “before” world and there’s a lot going on (like sex) in between fight scenes and kills. In fact, there are almost no fight scenes. It hits the ground running. Once the first camper gets lured into a trap, it becomes one extreme gore fest. The Redwood Massacre is nonstop torture and blood. To the point where there were many times I couldn’t even look. Even the sound effects were terrifying. It was that intense.

The one problem I had with The Redwoood Massacre was its choice of final girl. I should have seen it coming, because in true trope fashion she was timid, the most terrified, and the one who uses the fewest curse words. But for me, her timidity is the very thing that makes her unfit for the Final Girl role. Someone has to rescue her, and when that person needs a little help, she stands there crying, frozen, screaming, “I can’t!” There is nothing worse than a heroine who has to be rescued and cries instead of taking charge and finding her strength. And even if it does happen eventually, the later it happens, the less it counts. 

And speaking of her having to be rescued, the plus side of this is that it leads to a really great moment, and one that I have long wanted to see in a horror film. A man comes to save our final girl, and he tells her that he is the father of one of our slasher’s victims. Then he gets to give an amazing speech, the gist of which is how stupid entitled young people come around those parts causing trouble and not knowing what they’re getting into. The whole time I was thinking, “It’s about time someone went there!”

The thing about The Redwood Massacre is that it is completely formulaic, but in this case, it’s a good thing. There was something comfortingly familiar about it. Knowing what was going to happen and predicting what characters were going to say was fun and refreshing as opposed to annoying and repetitive. It’s one of those films that you could play a drinking game with and take a shot every time someone says “fuck," someone gets interrupted by a strange noise while peeing, the phrase “This isn’t funny!” is uttered, someone yells out to someone they can’t see, the killer’s backstory is mentioned, one person fake scares their friend, or a skeptical camper states something along the lines of “That’s just a story parents tell…”

But don’t worry; you won’t get too messed up. Before you know it, you’ll be so shocked by the gore than you’ll forget about the drinking game, altogether.

Slasher Honey Rating: 4 fake knife noises out of 5 

The Redwood Massacre is available via Hulu, iTunes, Amazon Prime, Vudu, Google Play,
& blu-ray/DVD

How would YOU rate this slasher mash-up?
Tell Chassity on Twitter: @ChassMM