The Horror Honeys: LOVE IN THE TIME OF MONSTERS: Stand By Your Man… Or Run

LOVE IN THE TIME OF MONSTERS: Stand By Your Man… Or Run

A Monster Honey Post-Valentine’s Day Review by Jennica

Love In The Time of Monsters (2014)

It’s February and even after Valentine’s Day love is still lingering in the air. To some it smells as sweet as the boxes of chocolate-covered candy at the movie theater concession stand and to others it is as stale as the popcorn at the bottom of the bag. Either way, love is a natural feeling between two people (or many if that’s your thing), so why not let nature take its course? Because in the time of monsters, nature will tear your heart out of your chest and eat it. Love in the Time of Monsters (2014) presents an animalistic side of romance—at least from the male perspective—but still force-feeds the belief that love conquers all. The monster genre has produced dozens of man versus nature films and B-movie Bigfoot disasters. This is not exactly one of those movies.

The Plot: Carla (Marissa Skell) travels with her sister Marla (Gena Shaw) to a cheesy Croatian-owned ‘Murican-themed tourist trap to surprise Carla’s fiancé Johnny who has taken a new embarrassing job as one of the family lodge’s kind-hearted Bigfoot actors. When Johnny and the rest of the Bigfoots in training (led by slasher icon Kane Hodder) fall into a swamp filled with toxic chemicals, they turn into flesh-eating monsters infecting tourists and formerly friendly forest critters. As the inhabitants of Uncle Slavko’s All-American Family Lodge fight for love and survival, some relationships are rekindled, some have only just begun, and some are blown to pieces.

Is it time for lunch yet?
Contrary to the title of this mostly fun monster movie, the monsters seem to greatly outweigh the amount of love being spread around the woods. Rather than display any actual romantic love, the film showers us with lust, desperation, and female exploitation. In traditional “stand by your man” fashion, Carla rewards her dishonest significant other by sprawling across the hood of his car in pink lingerie as if posing for a 80s magazine. Adding to her trophy wife qualities, after being attacked by her rabid groom-to-be, she never once considers putting him down and instead is determined to fix him. Meanwhile, Marla plays the bored bar scavenger, throwing herself at anyone who could fit the Mr. Right Here Right Now bill. Uncle Slavko’s wife Marianna longs for another man but has wasted her life away for the sake of fortune and shiny things. Completing the circle of unfortunate female role models, one of the lodge’s entertainers Brandi only serves to purpose of being a disposable pretty face… at least I think that’s where our focus is supposed to be directed.

Beauty and the Beast: NSFW Edition
Unlike the continuous misogyny, Love in the Time of Monsters manages to impress with mostly practical effects by The Toxic Avenger IV (2000) and Frankenfish (2004) artist Scotty Fields. Fields executes a plethora of brutally creative flesh wounds including one of the most gruesome chest bursts since Alien (1979). In addition to the buckets of blood being sloshed around this woodland town, the film also includes hilariously constructed B-movie animatronics to bring to life dozens of rabid wildlife critters from a family of squirrels hungry for something better than nuts to a true-to-size twitchy moose. And after Fields was finished with the leader of the Bigfoots, you might say that Kane Hodder’s performance is rather electrifying.

In spite of the excessive sexism which is typically and sadly to be expected from many monster movies, this multi-creature feature does attempt to save face by portraying Carla and Marla as the heroes of the story with a blood-spattered woman versus nature battle montage as the climax. This time the women rescue their men in distress but whether these male characters are worth saving remains questionable. Nevertheless, Love in the Time of Monsters is a movie that should be appreciated for its sheer entertainment value. It’s a wacky tale of big dumb animals made for big dumb animals.
We better get hitched after this. 

Jennica’s rating: 3 Angry Mountain Men out of 5


Like boobs? Like blood? Like watching Kane Hodder chase the ladies? Love in the Time of Monsters is available on iTunes and Amazon Instant Video
Brains not required.

Have you fallen into Love in the Time of Monsters?