The Horror Honeys: Saturday Creepy Christmas Cartoon ~ 'Hardrock, Coco, & Joe"

Saturday Creepy Christmas Cartoon ~ 'Hardrock, Coco, & Joe"

A Holiday "KILL IT WITH FIRE" Cartoon Special

Forget that Elf on the Shelf bastard. He has NOTHING on these terrifying motherfuckers.

We'd like you to meet the Three Little Dwarves: Hardrock, Coco, and Joe, and if they have THEIR way, you'll never sleep again after you see their cartoon. They're like Samara from The Ring... only more terrifying.

This particular piece of vintage cartoon awfulness has no shortage of elements to destroy your psyche, from a yodeling chorus to a frigging Christmas elf named, "Hardrock." What kind of name for an elf is Hardrock? A stripper in an all-male revue? Maybe. A Christmas elf? No. Unacceptable. And who brought Joe along for the ride? The song makes it clear he has no special abilities. He doesn't have a stupid name. Is he their differently-abled mascot? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??

And of course, there's Santa. A jolly old soul with a belly full of marmalade? (I prefer it to jelly, so what?) No. Santa looks like this:

Yes, THIS Santa looks like a racist Asian stereotype that you might find on propaganda posters from the war. Why did they even make this video? I'm actually a little afraid that I've now been brainwashed to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia after watching it. But at least we're all going down together, chestnuts.

Advance apologies... And Happy Holidays!