The Horror Honeys: 'Splatter': Someone Tell Me Why...

'Splatter': Someone Tell Me Why...

A Slasher Honey Review by Chassity

Splatter (2009-2009)

Every now and then, you come across something that seems so weird, you can’t help but stop and take notice. Whether you want to be or not, you find yourself drawn to it and can’t look away. Like a bad car wreck. 

Such is the case with the short film (TV feature? I’m not really sure) Splatter. I was seduced into watching it by the idea of an undead rock star who becomes a villain, and of course by the appeal of one of my favorite horror icons. 

I only wish I could say the seduction was only the precursor to a great main event.

The Plot: Rock star Jonny Splatter (Corey Feldman), feeling estranged from all the people in his life that he trusted, just can’t seem to take it anymore. He commits suicide, on video no less. The people closest to him (his therapist, his rock star girlfriend, his lead guitarist, his manager, and his…bimbo groupie girl on the side) are then summoned to his mansion for a reading of the will. At which point they discover they’re trapped in the house, with no escape, and are going to be subjected to Jonny’s sick games of revenge. 

From there, you can pretty much guess what happens next. Jonny Splatter kills almost all of them off one by one, in very slasher-esque ways. 

The Good: It had an interesting concept. I love the idea of a rock start zombie serial killer. And I love that the archetypes for this short weren’t what you normally see in a movie like this. As ridiculous as Splatter is, I liked the idea of a rock star front man being driven to such extremes because he’s been betrayed by the people a rock star would trust the most. A jealous lead guitarist, a girlfriend who’s tired of living in her man’s shadow and takes from him so she can get ahead, the therapist who sells out a celebrity patient to get famous himself, and a manager who turns his back on the star he made: these are all very realistic tropes. Splatter shows that the music industry is no different from the movie industry in that it is so full of disgusting parasites, you actually want to see them suffer.

It also crosses genres to an extent, and that was interesting in its own way. Splatter also includes a little bit of the supernatural via a subplot about rituals used to get rid of the dead or bring back the dead and… I don’t know, something like that. 

Splatter also had a decent amount of gore. 

And, finally, Tony Todd. Need I say more? I love that he was the last man standing, but even this doesn’t count against the cliché of the black guy dying first because it’s Tony Freaking Todd. So OF COURSE he’s going to be the last one around. 

The Bad: The acting. Wow…. I mean, it could have been worse, but let’s just that it’s bad enough to the point that you never, ever forget you’re watching actors on a screen. It was bad enough that even Tony Todd couldn’t save this thing with his charisma alone. 

The Ugly:  It’s utterly ridiculous. I categorize it as a slasher because Jonny is technically a serial killer, but the problem with that is the central character ends up being a zombie who slashes instead of eating flesh, and is basically a Freddy Krueger wannabe. 

It doesn't help that there’s one moment when the blonde is searching the house and is obviously in danger but the music, instead of a creepy crescendo, is a happy, upbeat romantic melody. I get what they were trying to do but it made no sense and didn’t fit. 

Finally, Jonny Splatter is a ridiculous, poser name for a rock band front man. 

The long and short of it is that Splatter has nothing to offer beyond seeing a horror icon in a different kind of role, and seeing unlikable industry types get what they deserve. It can be summed up in four words: 

Waste. Of. Tony. Todd

Slasher Honey Rating: 1 out of 5 Wailing Guitars

Splatter is available on... Netflix, obviously.

Have YOU watched this Corey Feldman train wreck?
Tell Chassity on Twitter: @ChassMM