The Horror Honeys: 'Guilty as Sin': Don Johnson is a Real Lady Killer. WINK WINK.

'Guilty as Sin': Don Johnson is a Real Lady Killer. WINK WINK.

A Revenge Honey Erotic Thriller November Review with Linnie

Guilty as Sin (1993)

Let me preface this erotic thriller review by saying that Sidney Lumet is one of my favorite directors of all time. Long Day's Journey Into Night, The Sea Gull, Serpico, Dog Day Afternoon, Network, The Verdict: these are some of our greatest American films and Lumet was a visionary who left behind a legacy of which many directors could only dream. Equus, Murder on the Orient Express, Fail Safe... Most directors would kill for a filmography like this.

But the fact of the matter is, a director is only as good as the material he has to work with. It's a rare occasion that a director can take a terrible script and turn it into a masterpiece. So giving Lumet a script written by Larry Cohen (Maniac Cop 1, 2, & 3, The Stuff, A Return to Salem's Lot) and expecting him to work miracles isn't really fair. However, it turns out that when you pair something amazing with something awful, you might get lucky and get something... watchable? And watchable is EXACTLY how I would describe Guilty as Sin.

She's wearing beige so you know you have to take her seriously.
The Story: Jennifer Haines (Rebecca De Mornay) is a sought-after hot shot defense attorney who can get even the sleaziest bastard off. David Edgar Greenhill (Don Johnson) has been accused of killing his wife and he will just not stop confessing all the murders he's committed to Jennifer. But because he cornered her into defending him, she's bound by attorney client privilege, despite the fact he keeps lying about the fact they're boning. When it becomes clear that she's next on David's hit list, she enlists the help of her mentor (Jack Warden) and boyfriend (a curly haired Stephen Lang), respectively, but that's pretty stupid because David is a psycho killer. Will Jennifer survive? Will David wiggle his Don Johnson eyebrows so hard they fly off his head? Will there be a spectacular final act twist that defies the laws of physics as we know them?

Don Johnson says... Maybe.
Guilty as Sin is an odd film. There is never any question as to whether or not David is a dirty bastard who pushes women out windows. He kind of flaunts his murdering ways from the start. Plus, it's... you know... in the title and stuff. The real "thrilling" element of the script comes from whether or not Jennifer will be the next woman he pushes. And while it's interesting to watch her try to skirt her ethical obligations as his lawyer by turning in evidence to the prosecutor in cagey ways, it happens several times, and starts to get old after a while. Sure, stuff like this may happen more than once on Law & Order, but that was on for twenty years, not two hours.

Don Johnson should NOT be smarter than you, Becs.
There also isn't a ton of chemistry between Johnson and De Mornay, which could be intentional, because he's a crazy face. But there is nothing particularly erotic about this erotic thriller, and since it's not the most thrilling, you're kind of left in a strange sort of stasis where you feel nothing unless, like me, you are oddly turned on by Don Johnson acting like a self-absorbed tool bag.

IE himself, in the 80s and 90s.
Honestly, the only thing that truly makes Guilty as Sin worth sitting through is its balls-out, totally insane, "did that really just happen?" ending. The ending is idiotic in the best possible way, in a way that will make you laugh hysterically, because it's just. That. Stupid. But is it fun? No! It's stupid!

Stupid fun? Sort of. Sort of.
Can I recommend Guilty as Sin? In this case, only because Don Johnson was hot in a creepy way, Rebecca De Mornay was a terrible actress in the best way, and the ending is ridiculously stupid in an awesome way.

Throughout Erotic Thriller month, we are going to be working on a far more stringent rating scale than usual. That means that if I REALLY like a film, it will probably get a three star rating. If I love a film, four stars. If I want to take a movie behind the middle school and get it pregnant, that's a five star rating right there. So with that in mind, Guilty as Sin gets:

Erotic Thriller Rating: 2 dropped panties out of 5

Guilty as Sin is available via iTunes, Amazon Instant Video, YouTube VOD, Vudu,
Google Play, & DVD

Have YOU seen the end of this movie? What did you think?
Tell Linnie on Twitter: @linnieloowho