The Horror Honeys: Get Stuffed: Top 5 Horror Movies to Watch While You Feast

Get Stuffed: Top 5 Horror Movies to Watch While You Feast

A Monster Honey Holiday Top 5 List by Jennica

Despite my love of the Halloween season, I am not much of a candy junkie. Once Halloween has come and gone, I have had my fix and I'm ready to return to the other main food groups. Not that I don't cherish the time that I get to spend with my monstrous family or appreciate the ugly sweaters and tacky gift exchanges, but-- as a self-proclaimed foodie-- the massive feasts are just as satisfying.

This time of year, I get my kicks from devouring mountains of mashed potatoes, mounds of stuffing, several slivers of cranberry sauce, and a face full of pumpkin pie buried under fluffy clouds of whipped cream. And because these traditional fatty favorites are only served twice a year, my logic is often to savor them by stuffing myself with as much as possible and hoping the food doesn't fight back... like in the following grusome grubby tales. If you are looking to add some spice to your next family feast, these five horror movies are for you. Bon apetit!

1. Thankskilling (2009)

Five college students are looking forward to spending Thanksgiving break with their families... until a cursed five hundred five year-old turkey rises from its grave to spill more than just gravy.

For the past two years, I have lived as a pescatarian, making me the black sheep at the dinner table this time of year. No beef, no pork, no poultry. However, after seeing Thankskilling, I might be willing to make an exception. This fowl-mouthed turkey does not waste any time when he feasts on some of America's dumbest and dirtiest. Although full of dated humor-- even for 2009-- Thankskilling serves up an endless supply of blood and gore like a soup kitchen serves stale cornbread. Thanks to Turkie, I am reminded every year why birds kind of freak me the duck out. 

Exhibit A...

2. The Stuff (1985) 

A white oozy substance (no, not that white oozy substance) is found seeping out of the earth and is marketed as America's newest super food. Low-calorie, energy-boosting, AND it tastes good? It's impossible to get enough of The Stuff! The trouble is that The Stuff can't get enough of its consumers... until there isn't anything left.

"If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face."
Not only is The Stuff a fun movie for the foodie at heart, but it is also a prime example of 1980s horror/sci-fi as it reflects multiple aspects of American culture during that decade. Writer/director Larry Cohen tackles consumerism and product placement, addiction, and America's obsession with body image to the beat of a catchy commercial jingle. And The Stuff is sure to creep up on you, the viewer. What you might not realize about The Stuff-- the smartest element of the film-- is that it acts as an 87-minute advertisement. The Stuff may be a fictitious product, but the film leaves its viewers curious for a taste.

3. Motel Hell (1980)

Farmer Vincent's smoked meats are known to be the best in the world, drawing hungry customers for miles. But he has a top secret method with a rare ingredient: human roadkill. As Vincent's family motto goes, "Meat's meat and a man's gotta eat!" When he falls in love with a young woman too sweet to eat, however, Vincent must decide how much of the truth she might be able to stomach.

What a porker!
A meat lover's perfect meal movie, Motel Hell will make you salivate at the sight of raw flesh as you begin to question you own humanity. The film breaks down human behavior to its barbaric roots, showing that the survival of man is not much different from that of animals, especially pigs. We're dirty, sexually driven, and we will eat just about anything that is placed in front of us as long as we are hungry enough. Come n' get it!

4. Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)

When a fast food restaurant known for its chicken is built over a Native American burial ground (because 'Murica!), it becomes cursed... and not just by college lesbian protesters. Warning: side effects of ingesting chicken served at American Chicken Bunker include frequent vomiting, explosive diarrhea, and transformation into a feathered zombie. 

Normally, I would not suggest such a grotesque film for a dinner-and-a-movie gathering, but I have an exceptionally strong stomach and I don't expect anything less from my readers. If you can't enjoy a home-cooked meal while watching a man lay an egg on the crapper, then you don't know what it means to be hungry. 

Someone pass the tossed salad!
One of my favorite Troma Entertainment movies, Poultrygeist brings back my germ-infested memories of working in the fast food industry as a teenager and reminds me that it could have been worse. But not by much. 

If you plan on watching Poultrygeist during your next holiday feast, have a little respect for your elders. At least wait until after your grandma says grace.

5. The Gingerdead Man (2005) 

After mass murderer Millard Findlemeyer does his time in the electric chair, his spirit is hellbent on getting revenge against the sole survivor of his crimes, pie shop co-owner Sarah Leigh (see what they did there?). When Findelmeyer's ashes are mixed with blood and gingerbread spices and baked at approximately three hundred fifty degrees, he is reincarnated as one tough cookie.

Following a hefty diet of meat and dairy on this mouth-watering list, I had to leave a little room for dessert. And what holiday meal is complete without fresh baked cookies? Voiced by seasoned actor Gary Busey, The Gingerdead Man looks good enough to eat... if you can catch him first. The film is coated with corny culinary humor and C-level acting at best, but deserves some merit for being a unique concept that just might sweeten up your horrorday movie viewing.

That's the way the cookie crumbles.
What's eating you this holiday season? 
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