The Horror Honeys: American Horror Story: Season 5, Ep 6 ~ Room 33

American Horror Story: Season 5, Ep 6 ~ Room 33


Sometimes you just have to indulge in the glow of being right about something. In my recap of the Mommy episode, I proposed that the Murder House would make it’s appearance on Hotel by way of the Countess paying a visit to Dr. Montgomery for a non dental procedure and I was correct. Indeed, being able to guess how two seasons of AHS tie together is a feather in my cap. Next, world peace.

Anyway…the Countess was referred to Dr. Montgomery by her friend Margaret Gibson.* With a body temperature of 75 degrees, the Countess already has the virus and that must be why, at only 3 weeks along, she looks full term. This may also be why her baby did not succumb to death during the abortion and why baby Bartholomew suffers from some deformities. After killing the nurse, little Bartholomew is handed to his mother and she’s in love. Unfortunately, this world isn’t kind to anything different and the tiny vampire lives in Room 33 of Hotel Cortez. 

Murder House!
It's fun to be right.

The Countess does not share.
After a super sexy scene set to Depeche Mode, we learn that Liz Taylor and Tristan are deeply in love. Liz sees through Tristan’s pretty surface and Tristan feels truly loved by her. Handing him some Oscar Wilde to read because she knows that he’s deeper than anyone gives him credit for, Tristan is honored. Seeing these two together is so wonderful, but as Liz prophesies, it won’t end well when the Countess finds out. Even after telling Ramona all about it, Liz chooses not to heed Ramona’s warnings, instead believing that if she simply tells the Countess how much she loves Tristan, it will all work out. Oh Liz, just because you’re in love for the very first time, it doesn’t mean that someone as ruthless and selfish as the Countess would actually care. Despite appealing to her vanity and reminding her that she realizes the Countess made her, the Countess doesn’t care because she doesn’t share. Maybe if Tristan hadn’t behaved in such an ugly manner, she would have been willing to look past the taste of charred meat and betrayal, but that’s not what happened. After dressing her down for feasting off of the sadness she leaves her lovers with, the Countess has no desire to give Tristan what he wants. I don’t know that she was punishing Liz so much as she was punishing Tristan for having the gall to speak to her in such a manner. It wasn’t Liz that she refused to be kind to; it was Tristan, but they both paid dearly and, quite frankly, I don’t think I can forgive her for breaking Liz’s heart.

Playing off of the alleged psychotic break that John is suffering, Alex convinces him that he definitely did not follow Holden to an empty swimming pool and he absolutely did not see her and Holden in a coffin. Telling him that he had called her complaining of seeing visions, she then sets the ghosts of the two tourists on him. You remember them; they started off this season wanting to catch a glimpse of Vin Diesel while in Hollywood. Now that they’re dead, they’re doomed to live in the hotel forever, complaining about wanting to see Vin Diesel. Seriously, what is with these two and Mr. Diesel?

According to Donovan, they can never leave the hotel and, “Until you find a purpose, you will be stuck in an unbreakable chain, repeating yourselves over and over again.” He then goes on to the tell the story of Kara, an elementary school teacher who committed suicide in the bathtub at Hotel Cortez in an unimpressive and overt “homage” to the woman in Room 237 at the Overlook Hotel. After aimlessly roaming the halls, Kara found purpose in terrorizing the hotel guests. While I don’t understand how this is purpose in life, or the afterlife, the two Scandinavian beauties decide that they will find their purpose.

Enter Detective Logan. Or rather, disgraced Detective Logan. John shows up at another Ten Commandments crime scene where he conveniently knows a lot about the killer’s motives, which makes it all the more peculiar when he’s told that the police have someone in custody for the crimes. John decides to head back to the hotel and have an emotional and mental breakdown. This makes it all the easier for the two young ladies to entice John into a threesome that turns bloody and leads to John pulling a Patrick Bateman and running around naked and covered in blood. (I don’t know how this breakdown is going for him, but it’s definitely going well for me.) After Mr. March tells him that he’s pleased to see John truly checking into the hotel, John decides it’s finally time to go back home, but he doesn’t realize he has a travel companion. Bartholomew, the one everyone has been looking for all episode, has hitchhiked to John’s house via suitcase. Thankfully, Alex just happened to show up and she was able to rescue wee Bartholomew and bring him back home where the Countess is truly impressed and thankful.

I could watch this forever.
Up to this point, the Ramona, Donovan and Iris subplot is starting off slowly, but the banter between Ramona and Iris is everything. As Iris shows up to the empty swimming pool with a gun and a butcher knife, these two have a hilariously entertaining conversation. These are two bad ass bitches with a serious grudge and it’s all starting to feel very Coven. We may be down a Jessica Lange, but we have a Gaga and the thought of Bassett, Bates and Gaga going toe to toe is just delicious. 

With everyone suffering from their own personal meltdown, the Hotel Cortez seems to be quickly heading to a lethal end. I wonder who will survive? 

What are your guesses for the future of AHS Hotel

Sidenotes:
  • *Margaret Gibson was a stage and silent film actress who was arrested and charged for her nationwide blackmail and extortion ring. One her deathbed she confessed to the murder of film director William Desmond Taylor.
  • This is the second scene featuring Liz Taylor that was set to a Depeche Mode song. Are they her favorite band?
  • Loved the scene of Ramona looking for Bartholomew. It was very reminiscent of the evil baby in the Murder House basement.
Oh, Bartholemew.