The Horror Honeys: Knock Knock: Don't Answer the Door. Don't See this POS.

Knock Knock: Don't Answer the Door. Don't See this POS.

A Revenge Honey New Release "Why Do the gods Hate Me" Review by Linnie

Knock Knock (2015)

In a year that has been surprisingly full of amazing films, it was bound to happen that one or two (or five) would have to weasel in and dilute the waters. As of right now, front-runner for the worst film of 2015 has to go to Eli Roth's Knock Knock, a film so idiotic, so lacking in style, and so downright disgusting, that I am going to have to drink a LOT of wine to erase the mental space it's currently occupying in my brain.

This is one of those films that I am going to come right out and admit it: if you love it, I'm going to judge you. Hard. And we probably should avoid speaking again in the future.

In the meantime, here is a list of things in Knock Knock that have ensured I will never watch another Eli Roth movie again, while simultaneously making me sad that Keanu Reeves obviously had some down time after John Wick.

Because no man can resist scraggly haired wet girls in gooey makeup.
  • I'm going to start off with the obvious: the acting in Knock Knock is atrocious across the board. I am afraid that this film is going to squander all of the good will Keanu built up with John Wick. As a Keanu aficionado, I can say without hesitation, I have never seen a performance this bad from him in his almost 30-year career. I am embarrassed for him, and I totally blame Eli Roth for what is clearly an inability to direct or his sheer laziness.
  • The plot for this film is utterly confounding. Two ADULT women choose men at random, manipulate them into cheating, and then punish them for doing what they would NOT have otherwise done if the two women had just stayed away to begin with? THAT MAKES NO SENSE! The women, Bel and Genesis, SPECIFICALLY state they seek out HAPPILY married men. This is analogous to a cop in a unmarked car tailgating you until you speed up to get out of his way, then pulling you over and giving you a ticket for speeding. The logical fallacies in this film are almost as confusing as the casting (how nice it must be to be married to Eli Roth).

    Ready for a bedtime story? How about, "The director who made a joke out of
    child abuse and rape?"
  • By lying about the two obviously grown-ass women being underage (Lorenza Izzo is 26, Ana de Armas 27), Knock Knock spends a whole film making a joke of 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys every year who are ACTUAL victims of sexual assault. Eli Roth and his army of screenwriters may find it hilarious, or even sexually arousing, to watch his wife and another women attack a man for being a pedophile when he did absolutely nothing illegal, but the entirety of this tone deaf and offensive film made me sick to my stomach.
  • In one scene, Bel puts on Evan's daughter's underwear and clothing, begins calling him "daddy," and fucks him while he's tied up and begging her to stop. This is after Genesis and Bel have given him a blow job while saying, "Happy Father's day!" I don't know what kind of sick daddy issues Roth and his screenwriters are working out, but they should have saved it for their shrinks.
  • Knock Knock is racist, homophobic, and just downright full of frat boy bro humor. Outside of using "gay" and "retarded" repeatedly as insults, Bel and Genesis kill a man by stealing his inhaler and then playing "monkey in the middle." Because the man is black, Roth's classy wife shouts, "YOU CAN'T CALL HIM THAT! HE'S BLACK! IT'S RACIST!" Well, yes dear. All of it is racist. The choice to use the phrase at all, and the decision to laugh at it like it's the funniest thing a drunk sorority girl said at a keg party.

    Every girl needs to wear sexy yoga gear while torturing. It's a rule.
  • Bel and Genesis go to great lengths to make Evan aware that his family are the true victims of his decision to have sex with the two naked twenty-something women who showed up in his house and decided to take a bubble bath and then rip his pants off against his will. And yet, these two clueless assholes destroy the family's home, wreck all of Evan's wife art (her livelihood), and then write the words, "Daddy's little whore" over a picture of the daughter. By the time I saw that, I was almost in tears. What EXACTLY did Evan's family do to deserve any of that? To add insult to injury, the two dumbasses steal the family dog. 
  • It's obvious Roth meant these women to be avenging angels, two women fighting the good fight against cheaters across the globe (irony), but all he did was create an unofficial sequel to Nurse 3D, in which the heroine(s) are really the villains but too fucking stupid and entitled to see it.
No, no. That's fine. Sexually demean a child, you arrogant shitstain.
It's no secret that I've never had any use for Eli Roth. I believe he is the worst kind of filmmaker: an anti-feminist, misogynist frat bro who tries to hide his 50s politics behind the guise of female empowerment. However, it's been a while since he has released a film that didn't even try to hide his disdain for women. With Knock Knock, I don't only question his filmmaking abilities, but I question his respect for his wife, that he would put her in a film that is so much garbage.

Can I recommend doing your own thing for a while?
It is obvious Roth wants his Death Game (1977) remake to be an homage to the 90s erotic thriller, or some sort of marital-based Funny Games. All it accomplishes is reminding audiences that Roth hasn't had an original idea since Hostel, and even with source material, he's not the auteur he seems to think he is.

I've only suffered through two other movies this year that made me want to punch babies (The Gift and Dawn Patrol). Knock Knock may have just surpassed both of them as my pick for worst movie of the year.

Revenge Honey Rating: 0 angry tears out 5
No, YOU cry when you get angry.

Knock Knock  is playing in theaters. But if you see it after reading this, I don't want to talk to you.

Seriously. I don't want to talk about it.
Let's talk about this dog's hilarious Halloween costume
on Twitter: @linnieloowho