The Horror Honeys: Even MORE Sexy Dead Men!

Even MORE Sexy Dead Men!

A Revenge Honey Top Ten of Hotness by Linnie (with Suggestions by all of The Honeys!)



When it comes to horror, there are whole damn websites (or even sections on extremely popular horror news sites) dedicated to attractive women who get naked in horror films. While we support the rights of women to show off their hot bods, we also think that it's time to even the damn score. That is why the Honeys have started a series that focuses on the Hottest Dead Men in Horror Movies! (You can find part one here, and part two here). And what better way to celebrate Hexmas than with a part THREE to this vapors-inducing series?

As always, spoilers ahead. Don't be a dick.


Matt Bomer in Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006) ~ Linnie
Before White Collar, before In Time, before American Horror Story, many of us saw Matt Bomer in this sub-par TCM prequel and fell in love. And I'd be lying if I said I haven't watched it several times since and then just turned it off after he meets his untimely end.

NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!

Dan Stevens in The Guest (2014) ~ Bella
Though it's pretty clear at the end of The Guest that Stevens' "David" has survived, realistically, he sustained a LOT of injuries, so he could have limped off into the sunset, Shane style, and croaked on the highway somewhere. Yes, we are going with that explanation, just so we can keep Stevens and his abs on this list.

What uh... what were we talking about?

Marton Csokas in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) ~ Kat
Was Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter the best movie ever? Nooooope. But it was filled to the brim with attractive fellas, including Marton Csokas (that guy in everything you've ever seen) as Jack Barts. As usual, Csokas was a high point, because how can you resist that sexy Kiwi bastard?

Different movie, but still. Just try and resist.

Liam Hemsworth in Triangle (2009) ~ Jocelyn

Filmed early in his career, well before being a Hemsworth was a tradable commodity in Hollywood, little Liam stood out in this twisty mind-bender as the tall, strapping, and tall Victor. Sure, he died early, but thanks to the nonlinear story telling of Triangle, we got to see him covered in blood over and over and over and over...

And over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

Stephen Nichols in Witchboard (1986) ~ Linnie
I grew up watching Days of Our Lives with my mom every afternoon after school (she'd tape the episodes for us to watch together when I got home), and Stephen Nichols' Patch was one of my first loves. Imagine my giddiness when I finally saw Witchboard for the first time, and Nichols stars as the spirit-conjuring voice of reason. He may not have been the hero, but he'll always be my hero.

Patch is LIFE!

Skeet Ulrich in Scream (1996) and/or The Craft (1996) ~ Katie

Say what you will about him now, but this Wal-Mart version of Johnny Depp was every creepy girl's dream in 1996. Sure, Robin Tunney wasted perfectly good magic trying to get him to fall in love with her, and Neve Campbell let him stamp her V card even though he was a psychotic killer, but he uh... He... grew up to star on Law & Order: Los Angeles? Yeah. That.

It was the floppy 90s hair.

Johnny Depp in A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) ~ Katie

Speaking of Wal-Mart versions of Johnny Depp (i.e. current JD), 80s Johnny Depp was the kind of prime product you would find in a Anthropolgie. Obviously out of your range, but really pretty to the point where you just want to throw it on your bed and roll around in it. But maybe don't wear it in public because people will mock you.

Just like that belly shirt.

Matthew Lillard in Scream (1996) ~Jennica

Personally, if you had to pick a psycho from Scream to take home to mom and dad, I'd agree with Jennica and go with Matthew Lillard's Stu. Sure, he's loud and obnoxious, slightly psychotic, and way too close with his best friend, but he's going to grow up to look like this.

Yes, please.

Timothy Olyphant in Scream 2 (1997) ~ Bella

Either/or! Like Bella, if I had to pick a dude to get murdered by in the Scream series, it would be Timothy Olyphant's Mickey. Because if the last face that I have to see in this world is the face of my killer, sweet Cthulhu let him look like Timothy Olyphant.

Again, different movie. BUT THIS IS MY LIST!

And finally, winning the award for sexiest dead man this Hexmas season...

Tom Hiddleston in Crimson Peak (2015) ~ Bella... but also every Honey who has seen Crimson Peak

More than a few Honeys have considered themselves Hiddlestoners in recent times (or did once I informed them there was a name for it). Personally, it started for me after Only Lovers Left Alive. But now, thanks to Crimson Peak, I think its safe to say that every Honey who has seen it is firmly aboard the Hiddleston Bone Bus. As Thomas Sharpe, he is beautiful, elegant, kind, twisted, and possibly the most beautiful ghost ever committed to celluloid that wasn't put there by Hammer Studios. So congratulations, Tom! The Honeys all wish to objectify you like it's their job.

What? What is...

Oh, god.

Sploosh.

Who is YOUR favorite dead man in a horror film?
Tell me on Twitter: @linnieloowho