The Horror Honeys: Vampire Month: Bam, SNAP!

Vampire Month: Bam, SNAP!

A Revenge Honey Vampire Month Review by Linnie

Bloodsucking Bastards (2015)

The horror-comedy is, as our Supernatural and Zombie Honeys like to say, a sticky biscuit. When it's done right, it's brilliant (Edgar Wright's films have become the modern gold standard for a reason). But when they fail, they fail hard, leaving you engaging in an epic eye roll instead of laughing. Brian James O'Connell's Bloodsucking Bastards (the film was written by Dr. God, which is a comedy troupe and not, like I first assumed, one dude with a major ego problem) is a film that mostly succeeds, despite treading a LOT of well-worn territory.

So if you hate your boss, and your job is draining the life from you, join me for Bloodsucking Bastards... a movie that might feel a little too familiar, except for the whole vampires thing.

The Story: Evan (Fran Kranz... hummina) is a loyal employee at a company that seems to engage in shilling all of those FDA-unapproved pills you see on late-night TV. His best friend Tim (Joey Kern) spends all day at work playing video games and surfing porn, and his girlfriend Amanda (Emma Fitzpatrick) has just dumped him for replying "no" when she said, "I love you" for the first time. In spite of all of that, Evan is a shoe-in for the manager position. Except, no, The position goes to his college nemesis Max (Pedro Pascal... Oberyn Martell from Game of Thrones... double hummina), who also happens to be a vampire. Can Evan, Tim, Amanda, and security guard Frank (Marshall Givens) fight back against the bloodsucking powers-that-be and make it out of the office by punch-out time?

Amanda: You came to rescue me and you didn’t plan an escape?

Evan: Don’t Princess Leia me! I’m thinking!

Much of the press describes Bloodsucking Bastards as Office Space meets Shaun of the Dead, and this is a spot-on description of the film, in that it's not terribly original. If you've seen either of those films, you know exactly what is coming. Evan is loyal and hardworking, until he's pushed to his breaking point. Tim is goofy and lazy, until he has to be brave. Amanda is pretty and... there. But useful at the end when she has to kick some ass. Bosses count paper clips and office sportsball pools are super important. I knew everything that was coming because I've seen all of this before.

I'm happy to see more of you though. 
However, none of that is to say Bloodsucking Bastards isn't a lot of fun, because it is. A winning cast makes up for what it might be lacking in originality and there are some really clever jokes scattered throughout the script. Kranz is a winning leading man for a generation that prefers their leads more Shaun and less Ash. Joey Kern, who you'll probably remember from Cabin Fever, is still a likable slacker, and can officially be entered on the "Why aren't you aging?" list. Pascal is a fantastic and smarmy villain and I'd be happy to see more of him in any film willing to cast him.


Like any good vampire movie, there is blood and viscera in droves, and while the final showdown feels more zombie than vampire at times, it's still bloody good fun. Yet, I still couldn't shake the feeling of deja vu. While there is only so much one can do with vampire mythology, I suppose I expected Bloodsucking Bastards to be a little more... clever? But maybe that's a problem with the vampire genre as a whole...

It's been done to death.

Revenge Honey Rating: 3 cubicle vamps out of 5

Bloodsucking Bastards is available via iTunes, Amazon Instant Video, YouTube VOD, Vudu, Google Play, & will be released on blu-ray/DVD on November 3, 2015!

Have you seen Bloodsucking Bastards?
Tell me what you thought on Twitter: @linnieloowho