The Horror Honeys: Saturday Creature Feature with Suzanne!

Saturday Creature Feature with Suzanne!


The Vampire Lovers (1970)

We are more than halfway through Vampire Month, my spooky darlings, and this weekend, your Supernatural Honey is ALL about Hammer vampires. Are there really any better? Not for this creepy kid. Let’s lace up our corsets and sink our fangs into some seriously sexy fun.

The Vampire Lovers is a film that somehow escaped me until the last couple of years. The story is based on J. Sheriden le Fanu's "Carmilla" and stars Ingrid Pitt, Kate O'Mara and Peter Cushing. Frankly, I'd watch any movie with Peter Cushing even if he stood silently in a corner for 2 hours.

After her entire vampire family is destroyed, Marcilla/Carmilla (Pitt) sets out to rebuild her harem of lady vamps, preying on the lonely daughters of Noblemen. The men get suspicious and attempt to destroy her. The plot really couldn't get any simpler. 

I've never really understood the appeal of Ingrid Pitt. She has big boobs and isn't afraid to let them be free, but she isn't particularly attractive nor is she a good actress. However, Hammer didn't hire these ladies based on how well they could act, did they?

What a great pair of... actors
Pippa Steele and Madeline Smith, who play victims Laura and Emma, respectively, are doe-eyed and naive. In fact, they act borderline developmentally disabled. The only woman in this film who deserves any real credit is Kate O'Mara. Not only is she gorgeous, she manages to take her role seriously without being ridiculous. I have a serious girl-crush on her.

Hammer films always look stunning. They're colorful, but also have a beautiful dreary, dreamy quality. The costumes are period accurate so the men are distinguished and the babes are busty.
If you're looking for a movie with plenty of boobies, this film has got them! Lots of them! It's all girl on girl here. The men in this film are only there to be reasonable, which we ladies know is completely unrealistic. 

This isn't very bloody, save a few flashback scenes where the vampire clan is being destroyed, but this film relies on eroticism and suspense, rather than gore, to get its point across. I don't have a problem with that.

One of my biggest gripes about Hammer vampire films is the staking of the stomach. Yes, stomach. They never stake the heart. What is that about?

The way to a vampire's heart is through his stomach... Right? Guys?
This isn’t the best vampire movie I've ever seen, nor is it the best in the Hammer vampire filmography, but it certainly isn't the worst. Overall, Hammer delivers a sexy, sultry story that puts most modern vampire films to shame. I'm talking to you, Twilight. Actually, I've never seen a Twilight film, nor will I, but something tells me I'm probably right. You could ask Zombie Honey, Bella. She watched them all just for you.

The Vampire Lovers is available on DVD, Amazon Instant Video, and a stunning BD from Scream Factory

Do you have a favorite Hammer vamp?
Tell me on Twitter: @suzebee04