The Horror Honeys: You Couldn't Pay Me To Do That!

You Couldn't Pay Me To Do That!

A Slasher Honey Movie History List - by Kat

The WORST Jobs in Horror Movie History

If you think you hate Mondays, try surviving a horror movie while holding down one of the worst jobs in horror. Would YOU survive the night?


Night Security Guard/Cops - I don't know if I can even name all of the horror films that feature the death of a police officer or security guard. But everyone knows that it never ends well for the boys in blue in a horror film. Here to break up a party of noisy teens? Answering a domestic violence call? Just doing a "routine" check? Trying to keep a suspicious character under surveillance? Sorry, officer, you're probably going to die.



Babysitter - Every teenage girl has been roped into babysitting at least once in their lives (if you haven't, you're a lucky, lucky little pumpkin), whether by family members or the neighbours down the street, being paid to entertain someone's children for a night seems like a great gig when you're 13 - 17. Except when you're in a horror movie. No other stereotypical horror character is more traumatized than the babysitter. They might teach you how to perform CPR and put out kitchen fires in babysitting courses, but they don't cover staying alive when there's a killer in the house! Maybe I should write a babysitter survival guide...

Don't tell mom, the babysitter died in: Halloween, When a Stranger Calls, Curse of ChuckyThe Amityville Horror, Child's Play, The House of the Devil, The OmenBabysitter Wanted...

I said BEDTIME!

Teacher - Being a teacher is often a thankless job. It's also hard to define what being a teacher really is: educator, disciplinarian, parental figure, role model, friend, confidant, villain, rescuer - and sometimes all in the same day. Unfortunately, in horror films, sometimes all of that good will backfires in a big way.

That might have been a poison apple in: Return to Horror High, Carrie, Scream, The Faculty, Idle Hands, Scary Movie, Scream, Death Bell...



Camp Counsellor - Restricted by their seasonal genre of "summer camp films" Camp Counsellors are typically attractive, nubile specimens who break all the rules of surviving horror films within minutes of appearing on screen. The fact that Camp Counsellors are really just a graduated form of the Babysitter doesn't really set them up for a long life in a horror film. Putting teenagers in charge of little kids in a remote location? Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me!

Someone didn't make it to bed-checks in: Sleepaway Camp, Friday the 13thCamp Dread, The Burning, Cheerleader Camp...

Bed checks!

Cleaners/Janitors - Adding to the indignity of being a tried and true high school horror trope, the much maligned (and usually creepy) janitor is a staple in the horror genre. Did they do it? Or are they just there to mop up the blood without saying anything? More often than not, the ubiquitous janitor figure is the focus of some measure of ridicule, and even a bit of teacher style torture...and they're always the first to call out "hello?" in a creepily empty high school locker room... But really, if horror movies have taught us anything, it's that you always question just how much you can trust someone who volunteers to clean up a highschool.

The scene of the crime looks mighty clean in: The Toxic Avenger, Y is for Youngbuck (ABC's of Death), Silent Hill, The Janitor, Return to Horror HighStalled...

"Mop, mop mop, all day long..."

Scientist - The "mad scientist" has been a horror movie character since the dawn of celluloid...and there's nothing better than watching a creation go amok and murder its creator. Don't lie, you love it. The obsession in the early years of cinema for films about science gone wrong came from an era that didn't understand medicine - societal advancement has turned the "mad scientist" into a mild mannered madman, but a madman all the same, just with shinier equipment.

Come up to the lab and see what's on the slab in: The Fly, Deep Blue Sea, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, The Werewolf of London, The ThingHarbinger Down, Frankenstein, Prometheus, Jurassic Park, Event Horizon...

This could never end badly...

Military - An upgraded version of Cops and Security Guards, military personnel in horror movies also get a supremely raw end of the stick when it comes to being mowed down by baddies. Science Fiction films bear the brunt of the military presence, because when you don't trust that glowing ball from outer space, you send the whole bloody army to investigate. Honorable mention in this category also goes to Nazi's... because Nazi's.

Ready, Aim, FIRE! in: Predator, Alien franchise, Dead Snow, Dog Soldiers, Skyline, World War ZFrankenstein's Army, Terminator, Big Ass Spider, Godzilla...


Nice doggy...




What do YOU think the worst job in horror is?