The Horror Honeys: The Stabbiest of Revenge Songs!

The Stabbiest of Revenge Songs!

A List of the Stabbiest Revenge Songs with Revenge Honey Linnie

Never Google "revenge songs." One of the first things that come up is a list of so-called "bitter diatribes" written by female singer-songwriters and that just pisses me right the fuck off. Don't get me wrong; there is a time and a place for "You Oughta Know." But there is a difference between revenge songs and songs written for revenge. So here is a list of just a few of my favorite, honest-to-Lizzy Borden Revenge Song masterpieces! 

Janie's Got a Gun - Aerosmith: Classic rockers Aerosmith were never really known for their enlightened view toward women, so "Janie's Got a Gun" was somewhat of a surprise. "Janie" tells the story of a teen girl who takes revenge on her sexually abusive scumbag father and it's hard not to applaud the vigilante babe when she "put a bullet in his brain." Bonus points for the 90s reminder of a time when music videos told stories and were almost always awesome.

If I Burn - Emilie Autumn: Written by actress/poet/violinist/author/badass Autumn, "If I Burn" tells the story of Jane Brooks, a 16th Century woman who was burned alive as a witch for giving a young boy an apple from her garden. Miss Autumn writes with the intention of letting Jane Brooks live on through song. “It doesn’t matter where you go or what you do, ‘cause if I burn, so will you.” Take that, you puritanical assholes!

Frankie and Johnny - Sam Cooke: I try to avoid songs about women who shot their cheating boyfriends because really, how cliché (Goodbye, 'Goodbye Earl!'). But "Frankie and Johnny," made classic by Sam Cooke, is really the best revenge story song out there. After years of her slimy man screwing around on her, Frankie tires of it and blows him away on the dance floor. Taylor Swift should take a lesson from this no-nonsense babe with a big ass gun in her purse. Maybe we could have been spared another crappy John Mayer album.

I Don't Like Mondays - The Boomtown Rats: Based on the true story of a UK school shooting, when asked by a reporter why she committed the massacre, the teenage killer responded, "I don't like Monday's." I'm not sure much more needs to be said about this petrifying New Wave classic from Bob Geldof’s Boomtown Rats. Except maybe that the video is... uh... equally terrifying.

The Curse of Millhaven - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds: From their album Murder Ballads, it's not easy to pick just one awesomely creepy Nick Cave revenge song. But 'The Curse of Millhaven' 
really does take the cake. While the curse initially appears to be some sort of supernatural death blight on a small town, Cave, in his devilishly delicious voice, reveals a story a story so much more terrifying. Lets just say big curses come in small packages. When it comes to revenge songs, Nick Cave really is the master!

What are some of YOUR favorite revenge songs?
Tell me on Twitter: @linnieloowho