The Horror Honeys: Saturday Creature Feature with Suzanne!

Saturday Creature Feature with Suzanne!

Clash of the Titans (1981)

Saturday is once again upon us, my spooky darlings, and this week we’re getting a history lesson of sorts. Wrap yourself in a toga, grab your seeing eye, and settle in for a tale of Greek mythology. Pay attention and try not to piss off the Gods. They can get cranky.

Perseus (Harry Hamlin), mortal son of Zeus (Laurence Olivier), sets out on a quest for the head of Medusa to destroy the Kraken and save the lovely Andromeda (Judi Bowker) so they can be married.

You see, Andromeda was previously promised to Calibos, son of the goddess Thetis (Maggie Smith), but Calibos killed all of Zeus’ winged horses, except one, and was subsequently cursed by Zeus. Thetis gets in on the action and curses Andromeda. But we’re not done with the cursing! After Perseus kills Calibos and wins the hand of Andromeda, Thetis curses the whole town, demanding Andromeda be given up as a virgin sacrifice or the Kraken will destroy the city. Confused yet?

I'm sexy and I know it... 
The cast, aside from those already mentioned above are Claire Bloom, Ursula Andress, Jack Gwillim, and Burgess-freaking-Meredith! Meredith is Perseus’ mortal mentor, Ammon, the Mickey to Harry Hamlin’s Rocky, if you will. 

No CGI here. The amazing Ray Harryhausen, who was also a producer on the film, creates his signature stop-motion animation of the fantastical and mythical beasts such as Pegasus, Calibos, the Kraken, and the freak me the fuck out Medusa. Let’s not forget the adorable little mechanical owl Bubo, who not only helps save the day, but also adds a little humor.

Mythology hath no fury than a goddess scored.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the toga situation. While the Gods and ladies are in, what can only be described as, “formal” togas, Perseus is rocking a mini-toga that is only a bow-chicka-wha-wow away from porn.

Vintage Perseus has better legs.
Just sayin.
Clash of the Titans is, according to the movie poster, “An epic entertainment spectacular!”  I don’t know about epic, but it certainly is entertaining. So much so, you can kind of look past the absurdity of it all. Kind of.

"Excuse me, is the Black Lagoon this way? I'm afraid I'm terribly lost."
I own this glorious piece of magical cinema and so can you, but if you want to ease into it, you can rent it on Amazon Prime instant video. Just make sure you watch this version and not the nonsense that is the remake from 2010, even if Mads Mikkelson is showing off his skirt legs. It’s not worth it. Trust me.

Do you have some vintage love for this mythological Creature Feature? Tell me on Twitter! @suzebee04