The Horror Honeys: The "Punch in the Throat" Awards! Hosted by the Revenge Honey!

The "Punch in the Throat" Awards! Hosted by the Revenge Honey!

A "Worst Twists Ever" List with Revenge Honey Linnie

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I don't like twist endings. I think most screenwriters fall back on them when they run into a story wall and can't come up with a legitimate way to wrap up their film. So rather than go back to the beginning and actually fix the plot, they throw in a twist ending that screams, "HEY! HEY! LOOK OVER HERE! ISN'T THIS CRAAAZY?" Occasionally, twist endings work (and I've covered the best in revenge twists here) but most of the time, they're crap. So today, I've picked ten of the worst twist endings I've ever seen in horror or thrillers, ranging anywhere from lazy and boring to downright illogical.

*Note: It would be easy to fill this list with M. Night Shyamalan movies, and as much as I despise the twists in The Village and Signs, we're just going to give him a cursory nod of annoyance and move on.

*Note 2: Obviously, these are spoilers. So don't be an idiot.

Evidence (2013)

First off, fuck Evidence for hiding the fact that it's actually a found footage film. When forensic video detectives begin piecing together the clips from the scene of a gas station massacre, what they actually find are the fragments of a crappy slasher film in which a giant hulking man in a welder's mask burns people alive. Except, no. SURPRISE! It was actually the two tiny women with the camera all along, and they want to be STAHS! STAAAHS! A cheap twist is bad enough, but when you haven't earned it? Fuck off.

High Tension (2003)

Roger Ebert famously pointed out that you could actually drive a truck through the plot holes in Alexandre Aja's High Tension, a movie that buckles under the weight of its own implausibility. In the laziest of all twist endings, we find out that our final girl and serial killer are one in the same, and the killer is just an extension of the lead character's fractured psyche. Except... at one point she engaged in an extended car chase with the killer. And Marie/the killer were in two different places at the same time. And no explanation for how the tiny heroine is able to pop peoples' limbs off like they're made of Legos. I respect Aja as a filmmaker but I will never forgive him for the synaptic misfire that is the last 30 minutes of High Tension.

Sunshine (2007)

Talk about respecting a filmmaker and then wanting to punch them in the throat... The first 2/3 of Sunshine is everything good sci-fi should be: provocative, subtle, beautiful, and utterly rife with questions about the meaning of life. Then, the last act completely falls apart, along with all of my hopes and dreams. Why Danny Boyle felt the need to turn Sunshine into a second-rate slasher, lifting almost the entire third half of the film from Event Horizon (which was itself just an amalgam of the Hellraiser mythology), is beyond me. But that last act twist was enough to make it hard for me to ever enjoy Sunshine again... or watch it without turning it off 30 minutes before the end.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)

Did I like All the Boys Love Mandy Lane to start with? No. I thought it was a HIGHLY generic teen slasher made famous because of how long it was shelved prior to its star, Amber Heard, becoming a bankable name. Did I think the first twist, in which the geeky kid did it, was interesting or surprising? No... I saw it coming a mile away. Did I thing the second twist, in which Mandy herself was in on the slashing and stabbing, was interesting and surprising? No. And by the time it was revealed, I didn't care. I just didn't care.

Nope. Still don't.

The Devil Inside (2012)

If your BIG TWIST ENDING is a fade-to-black followed by a title card prompting audience members to visit a website for more information? You should IMMEDIATELY be kicked out of the Director's Guild AND the Writer's Guild. Because that is some fucked up shit. You've already scammed those poor saps into paying to see your terrible movie, but now they have to go home and waste more of their precious time driving the numbers up on your terrible website? No. No no no. You're fired.

Hide and Seek (2005)

Sometimes, you can watch a trailer for a movie and be able to call the twist. Hide and Seek starring Robert DeNiro and Dakota Fanning is one such movie. Tied with Secret Window for a "fuck you for exploiting mental illness as a plot device" award, Hide and Seek thought it was being clever by making a little girl and her imaginary friend look like killers. Instead, it just succeeded in trying my patience with a poorly thought out twist and a ludicrous tagline.

Scream 3 (2000)

Well, I think everyone knows I how I feel about the Scream series at this point (if you don't, you can catch up here), but that doesn't mean the movies are immune from getting called out for one of their most idiotic and illogical plot twists. A half brother conceived in rape, given up for adoption, who then returns to execute an overly-complicated revenge plot via HOLLYWOOD against someone who technically has nothing to do with any of it... That's not a twist for a horror movie; that's a B-plot on a soap opera. If "jumping the shark" were a concept used in horror movies, this is Scream's Fonzie flying the fuck over that shark tank moment.

You jump that motherfucking shark, Ghostface.

Splice (2009)

Splice is a movie about which I have many complicated feels, but none more so than those that relate to the multiple "twist" endings. I understand that science and spontaneous gender change and "life finds a way," but Splice uses its science-based twists to turn a thoughtful sci-fi film into trashy horror territory, and then introduce semi-incestuous rape. Everything about the finale is deeply bothersome, and not in a positive way.

Color of Night (1994)

Now, my love for a good 90s erotic thriller is WELL known. Pair that with my love of Bruce Willis, and you'd think Color of Night would be tailor-made for your Revenge Honey. And you'd be half-right. As silly as it is, there is a lot to like about this ridiculous psychological thriller. And then... it just goes straight The Crying Game, stealing that movie's essentially patented twist but tacking it on in a way that, if you watch the movie more than once, makes it clear the twist was an afterthought. I have watched Color of Night more than once and I can report, the plot holes will make you want to punch babies.

Boxing Helena (1993)

I've bashed Boxing Helena in review form before (here), but that doesn't get it off the hook for having one of the most inept twist endings ever. As if the rest of the movie weren't offensively bad to begin with, Jennifer Lynch had to negate all of the awfulness with an "it's all a dream" twist, which only made me want to stab my eyeballs out with scissors. It may have been a dream for Julian Sands' whiney man-child, but viewers don't get that luxury, and we're stuck with the memory of Boxing Helena forever.

Dishonorable Mentions: The Number 23, The Mist, A Perfect Stranger, & Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (yeah, yeah, I know it's not horror, but fuck that movie)

So who should win a solid punch in the throat?
Tell me on Twitter: @linnieloowho