The Horror Honeys: Siren: “You’re gonna love her. Everyone does.”

Siren: “You’re gonna love her. Everyone does.”

A Supernatural Honey Review by Suzanne

Siren (made in 2013, released in 2015)

Have you ever watched a move and thought it would make a much better short? About an hour into Siren, I was thinking this very thing.

Leigh (Vinessa Shaw) is a recluse, forced to live in isolation due to a rare condition in which she emits such powerful pheromones, any man who comes in contact with her sees his heart’s desire and becomes obsessed with her. After a particularly aggressive first encounter with a local man named Carl, (Ross Partridge), she meets a drifter who isn’t affected by her because he has lost all sense of smell. Guy (Robert Kazinsky) agrees to stay on as Leigh’s handyman to repair her elaborate security system.

As Leigh and Guy become closer, she confides in him about her past, living in hospitals, being experimented on, and that she pays the bills by selling her blood to a cosmetic company who puts faint traces of it in their perfume. Of course, now they want more and are threatening her. She also discovers Guy isn’t exactly who he claims to be, but she falls for him anyway, craving the normal human contact she has been denied her whole life.

We begin with a random voiceover, which really gives us no real information, but gives us that “fairy tale” feeling. That turns out to be a bit misleading. The title, Siren, by definition, leads you to believe that Leigh is intentionally seducing men. However, her affliction isn’t something she uses to her advantage. She is actually the victim in all of this, unable to change her circumstances, living in solitude, surrounded by flowers and burning tar in an attempt to mask her alluring scent. Paradise, amirite?

Do you think I'm hot? That's because there's something wrong with you...
At least, according to the script anyway.
Because there is no backstory up front, the first two male suitors, a 13-year-old boy and his dad, Carl, see two different females and that makes you suspect you’ve somehow ended up on the Island of Amazonia. It isn’t until later Leigh explains how each man sees what is most desirable to them. Although we know Leigh spent her teenage years in some clinic, we don’t know how or when she was released or how she became an scientist. That last bit is only an assumption based on the rather elaborate lab she has set up in her house.

Shaw is an interesting choice as the lead because, although lovely, she doesn’t really fit the Hollywood standard of beautiful and sexy, and the only man who can see her true visage can only do so because of an impairment. It almost feels a bit insulting.

The film also suffers from two unnecessarily drawn out sub-plots; Carl’s obsession, which destroys his family unit, drawing his wife into the mix, and the company looking to capitalize on Leigh’s blood, who turn their obsession into a military style hunt. 

This brings me back to my initial observation. Siren could have been much more compelling as a short film, eliminating so many scenes that only serve to confuse and fill fill time.

Supernatural Honey Verdict: 2 pointless scarab necklaces out of 5

Siren will be available on DVD and Digital August 18