The Horror Honeys: Saturday Creature Feature with Suzanne!

Saturday Creature Feature with Suzanne!

Jaws of Satan (1981)

It’s that time again, my spooky darlings, to coil up on the couch and sink your fangs into this week’s creature feature, Jaws of Satan, known in the UK as King Cobra.

A giant cobra makes its way to a small town where it proceeds to eliminate the residents, with a little help from its friends, in order to get the attention of the local priest, Father Tom Farrow (Fritz Weaver), whose ancestors were cursed and must battle the Devil to save the town and possibly humanity (although that is never clear).

This is quite possibly one of the most ridiculous premises for a film ever. The snake travels by train, which was smart because nobody wants any motherfucking snakes on any motherfucking planes. Somehow, this cobra also has the ability to make non-venomous snakes deadly and enlists their services. To hell with the fact that most of the snakes probably aren’t even indigenous to wherever this was supposed to be taking place.

Although it’s up to Father Farrow to fight the good fight, he doesn’t even appear in the film as often as the inquisitive Dr. Maggie Sheridan (Gretchen Corbett), who spends a lot of time walking in the woods in silky dresses, high heels, and carrying her purse. I’m not sure what she was carrying in her purse, but it doesn’t seem like an effective snake hunting outfit. 

Ah yes, the notorious plastic venom shooting mechanism cobra of West Hampton.
I know it well.
We also have a compelling sub-plot wherein the local politicians are getting ready to open a dog track and are trying to keep the snake attacks on the DL to avoid bad press. I’ve been to a dog track. Believe me, snakes would be the least of their problems.

Throw in Christina Applegate, in her film debut, as a precocious rich kid, and a witch who reads coffee grounds, yes, coffee grounds, and you think this couldn’t possibly get more convoluted, except it does. However, even with its absurd story, ridiculous dialogue, and cheesy special effects, I loved every second of it! This film may not have been intended to be a horror comedy, but I laughed a lot. I think you will too. 

Hopelessly devoted to yooooou... or wait... wrong movie.
Jaws of Satan is available now on a Scream Factory Double Feature release with my pick from last week, Empire of the Ants.

What is YOUR favorite snake-based horror film?
Tell me on Twitter: @suzebee04