The Horror Honeys: Saturday Creature Feature with Suzanne!

Saturday Creature Feature with Suzanne!

Empire of the Ants (1977)

Greetings, my spooky darlings. It’s Saturday again so grab your popcorn and get ready to settle in with this week’s feature, Empire of the Ants. Coming off the “success” of The Food of the Gods, Bert I. Gordon felt it was a wise decision to bastardize another H.G. Wells story, but this story has something FOTG doesn’t have. That something is Joan Collins.

Collins stars as Marilyn Fryser, a shady real estate developer who, along with her husband, tries to separate unsuspecting investors from their money in a fake time share scam in the Florida Everglades. As if the Everglades weren’t dangerous enough, this worthless plot of sand and swamp is inhabited by giant, killer ants! 

The movie begins with illegal dumping of toxic waste in the ocean. Naturally, one of those barrels finds its way to shore and begins to leak the shimmery contents in the sand. Hide your pic-a-nic basket, Boo-Boo.

As Marilyn plies her marks with cheap booze and munchies, the ants start to kill them off. Cantankerous ship’s Captain, Dan Stokely (Robert Lansing), whose catch phrase is, “I just drive the boat,” jumps into action to save the remaining tourists from the blood-thirsty insects. Dan and the small band of survivors make their way into town where they discover the ants are in charge and the Queen is hypnotizing the residents with her pheromones. By Queen, I am NOT referring to Joan Collins, although she totally rules and looks stunning the entire time.

Why is the ant from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids eating Joan Collins?
The same techniques used in FOTG are utilized here to achieve the giant ants, along with a few incredibly ridiculous looking puppets. Apparently, mutant ants also scream, which is only slightly less absurd than the shark from Jaws 4 growling.

Roar.
I admit I never saw this film until recently, but was entertained enough to put five miles on my treadmill while watching. Sure it’s a hot mess, but it’s great fun and would probably be even more so if you had a few drinks.

Empire of the Ants is now available on a Scream Factory double feature with Jaws of Satan (King Cobra). Look for that next week!

Do you fear an empire of ants?
Tell me on Twitter: @suzebee04