The Horror Honeys: Lifetime... Television You Don't Admit to Watching.

Lifetime... Television You Don't Admit to Watching.

A Revenge Honey Confessional Review from Linnie

A Deadly Adoption (2015)


~ I'm going to change my clothes, because, uh - yikes - and, then I'm gonna sit on that couch with you and watch Lifetime. That Michelle Lee movie's on."

 ~ Which one?

~ I'm not leaving town without my daughter because I have a brain tumor but don't hit me you have a drinking problem. 

Will & Grace, S1, E12

We all have our secret shames and guilty pleasures. Generally, the Horror Honeys don't believe in the concept of a guilty pleasure; we think you should just come right and own the fact that you love what you love and not be ashamed of it. But the truth is... I love, love, LOVE Lifetime movies...

And I'm embarrassed as fuck about it.


On April 2nd, word leaked out that Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig had filmed a movie for the Lifetime network, and the Internet went crazy. Had they made a comedy? A spoof? A satire? At first, Ferrell and Wiig threatened to pull the film, disappointed that the project had gone public ahead of schedule. But eventually, their film, A Deadly Adoption (written by Andrew Steele) aired on Lifetime anyway. And I am shocked to report that it is absolutely not even close to what I expected... which is to say A Deadly Adoption is the most Lifetime-y Lifetime movie I've seen in about ten years, since they started trying to go "legit."

The Plot: Robert (Ferrell) and Sarah (Wiig) Benson are a wealthy couple with one daughter who suffer a devastating loss when a dock accident leads to Sarah miscarrying their baby. In order to repair the rifts in their marriage, and complete their broken family, Robert and Sarah begin looking into private adoption. They believe they've found the answer to their prayers in the lovely, sweet, and angelic Bridgette (Jessica Lowndes). But this is Lifetime, bitches! And ain't nobody as sweet and innocent as they seem.

Awww! You can feel the polycarbonate foam kicking!
It is blatantly clear from the outset that Steele knows his damn Lifetime movies, because A Deadly Adoption is basically a play-by-play of every Lifetime movie ever. What I could never quite grasp on to was whether the film was meant to be an homage to the Lifetime MOW, or just... a Lifetime movie. For this reason, the whole experience of watching ADA was tremendously strange. As much as I enjoyed it, I could never quite settle into it, because I was waiting for something ridiculous to happen.

Well, more ridiculous than believing she would want to bone Will Ferrell.
Most of the complaints about A Deadly Adoption involve Ferrell and Wiig, "playing it straight," but that shit doesn't fly here. Winter Passing, The Skeleton Twins, Stranger Than FictionFriends with Kids, Everything Must Go... Both Ferrell and Wiig are skilled dramatic actors and in my opinion, are often better (ESPECIALLY Ferrell) when they aren't playing for laughs. What is strange about A Deadly Adoption is its sheer existence... It seems as if it should be a spoof, but the film itself is playing it straight, leaving the viewer in a weird sort of stasis, expecting an explosion of comedy at any time that never actually comes. 

THESE EXTENSIONS MEAN DANGER, Y'ALL!
However, the only people who will be disappointed by the lack of laughs in A Deadly Adoption are the people who watch it expecting a Will Ferrel fart-fest. If you tune in, as I did, expecting two actors you genuinely enjoy to pay tribute to the history of over-the-top drama and completely irrational plot twists that one finds only in Lifetime films, then you too will absolutely adore every minute of A Deadly Adoption

And consider inventing a Lifetime-movie based drinking game. GOLDMINE!

Revenge Honey Rating: 4 jars of organic free-range honey out 5

Are you a Lifetime movie junkie?
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