The Horror Honeys: HAUNTED HORRORSCOPES ~ JULY 2015

HAUNTED HORRORSCOPES ~ JULY 2015



Cancer (June 22 - July 23)
The first week of July is strong for closing relationships, dear Cancer. Even so, the spotlight is certainly on you for most of the month, and it’s important to take care of personal matters: did you tie up any loose strings with your previous relationship; are you sure? These are important questions to ask. Loose strings can lead to open bags which can lead to the unfortunate smell of death, and nosey neighbors. This month you have more courage to go after what you truly want, to assert yourself, and to actively pursue your interests. When people begin to question why you’re always around, always in the conversation, always hovering - just blame it on Mars. Mars is largely responsible for your take-charge attitude. They don’t have to know who or what Mars is, it’s better that they don’t ask too many questions anyway. You’ve gotten really good at shutting them up, permanently. 

After the 15th you might be undergoing a personal makeover of sorts. Not everyone’s going to be gung-ho, but that can be dealt with. Don’t like your own lips? That’s fine, just take Brenda’s. She didn’t like your makeover idea anyway. Just remember, you are expressing yourself - how you choose to do that is really no one’s business. Not even Brenda’s husband's. The last week of July brings your attention to the work in progress. YOU. You are the work in progress. You can’t just be a pair of lips, Cancer. The 24th-27th is a sensitive period when it’s better to watch, feel and process than to take solid action in gathering the final pieces of your personal puzzle. But, come the 31st, it’s all about taking what you need to complete your makeover masterpiece. This is the time to tend to unfinished matters and designs, or skin-suits in your particular case. Remember, don’t close out ALL your relationships. You’ll need an adoring audience when you’re ready to showcase the new you… and the parts of them. 

Leo (July 24 - August 23)
This month, Leo, psychic matters will gain importance over professional and personal achievements.  You will be drawn into spiritual and mystic activities, Leo, but should be extremely cautious while there. Be sure not to rely too heavily on psychic predictions - or to trust that you are not the sacrificial lamb. 




Virgo (August 24 - September 23)
This month predicts that you will be more professionally inclined, Virgo, setting love, family and emotional aspects of relationships on the backseat. But not before putting down a plastic sheet, do you know how hard it is to get blood stains out of car upholstery? This is particularly bad for your “professional” focus if you’re a cabbie. Don’t stab where you drive, I always say.






Libra (September 24 - October 23)
You need to decide what you want in life this month, Libra. And then, follow it up with the required hard work. 

Sure, your family can hand you some things, but if you take their hands - what then? Don’t get distracted with addictions and collections. Give your Aunt’s hand back and ask her again, nicely, for the pearls you want without threatening to take her head too.




Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)
This month is confusing for you, Scorpio. Or, at least it’s confusing for me for you. You have to be dependent on independence. Become codependent with yourself. 

This could mean a split in your personality - which would not typically be a bad thing - just one more for the party, am I right? However, this month, try to keep it together. Keep control. Put all of yourselves together to focus on whatever issues you have at hand. You’ll all be fine.



Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22)
Unfortunately, Sagittarius, your home life will see some turbulence this month; rage-induced destruction and then ragier-induced cleaning. 

But stay calm and power through. When you’re lucid again, make some changes in your personal habits, or travel. Overseas travel might be nice this time of year, you know, once you overcome dreams about death and illness... and if you're still allowed to leave the country.



Capricorn (December 23 - January 20)
Life progresses rather slowly this month for Capricorns. It will seem like a wall is surrounding your efforts and you cannot climb over it or smash through it. 

This could be a lifesaving obstacle for you, dear Goats, so fear not. When the weight of the world is keeping you down, it makes it much harder for the bad guys to capture you. Because the world is heavy and they can’t bag you and drag you into their van.




Aquarius (January 21 - February 19)
Just when you think matters of the home and the heart have become stable, I’m here to tell you - yeah, they’re actually okay. 

However, Aquarius, now is the time to focus on your professional goals. Use your charm to work your way to the top, and if that doesn’t work, use your spells. For someone of your ability, they are one in the same, no? 




Pisces (February 20 - March 20)
This month, Fishes, forget about yourself. July is all about influencing others - albeit to do your bidding. You’ve come so far in your ability to be the best, now it’s time to sit back and let others serve you.

Your inner desires will dictate what your minions accomplish for you. Want a servant? Demand one. Want a clean kill shack? Demand one. Want a cream soda? Demand that the new servant make one. The recipe for a perfect July, don't you think?



Aries (March 21 - April 20)
This is a month of social obligations and friendships, Aries. Doesn't that sound horrible.

You can manage to get things done by being a little energetic, which also sounds horrible. 

The last week of July will be socially active with a lot of partying and outings which will help you become cheerful and forget your personal problems.

Man, all of this sounds awful. I sure hope you’re using these social situations and outings to thin your friends list. Boating accidents happen all the time. *wink wink*


Taurus (April 21 - May 21)
Taureans, you are mentally vulnerable and unable to make important decisions with your usual logic, this month. I know that seems harsh, but take it to heart, it could keep you safe and/or free. 

This is a transitional period for you, Taurus. Have you always been the victim? Now it’s time to become the villain. But make this transition slowly, you don’t want to get locked away before you can even begin your evil deeds.

Have you always been the bad guy or gal? Now it’s time to … no, the stars are wrong here. It’s never time to become the victim; you just keep doing you. 


Gemini (May 22 - June 21)
July is favorable for your personal growth, Gemini. That sounds, nice, right? Be sure to water yourself daily and get plenty of sun. If you’re a plant.


If you’re not a plant, July means getting your own way without depending on the will of others - just their energy and life-source. Free will is theirs to keep, but their energy is yours to devour and use as you please. If you’ve left them a shell of a person in your wake, well, hopefully you grew as a creature while doing so.