The Horror Honeys: Dark Asylum: Or, The Moment I Realized I Have A Problem

Dark Asylum: Or, The Moment I Realized I Have A Problem

A Slasher Honey Moment of Realization by Chassity

Dark Asylum (2001)

What do you get when you take a thriller movie, released 2 years after the 90s ended, that looks like it could have been made in the 80s, throw in a lot of slasher movie tropes, with a quickly dwindling victim list, and mix it all up? You get a so-bad-it’s-good, boring yet endlessly entertaining horror-ish movie called Dark Asylum

The Plot: All hell breaks loose in a mental asylum when one of the patients, a killer called The Trasher, gets loose and goes on a murder spree. The only two people who survive the first round of murders are the psychiatrist brought in to speak with him, and the janitor, who was also a patient at the asylum. The pair is left to find a way out of the asylum, which they are now locked in, while surviving The Trasher, who does everything he can to stop them from escaping alive. 
That’s it. That’s the entire plot. 

The Good: Okay. Let’s start with the obvious. Judd Nelson. Every moment in this movie that could have been boring, he spices up by bringing humor and color and hamming it up in his typical weird, post-80s way.

The first 30 or so minutes are agonizingly suspenseful and creepy, and it got me invested pretty quickly. I can tell a movie like this is bad if I pass the time going, “When is the one actor I really wanted to see gonna show up?” But I didn’t feel like this… at first. I actually enjoyed what was happening. 
Hey, boo.
It’s a familiar plot, including the “main character reveals a tragic past that explains his/her being haunted/having a personal vendetta against the murderer, halfway through the film” angle. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because for some movies the easily identifiable plot points are what make it entertaining. The chase sequences, which could have been boring, are made interesting by the actors. And it’s a…fun way to pass an hour and a half? I don’t know. I was really only here for Judd Nelson. 

The Bad: Um… it’s a horror-ish movie. Which means one thing. Every single cop is annoyingly and frustratingly stupid. Even The Trasher was never really very interesting, and even I didn’t find him very intimidating or frightening. More of an asshole than terrifying.

Nothing really happens either. It’s just chase sequence after chase sequence, then Judd and the psychiatrist lady stop and talk for a bit (Judd says a slightly witty line and the psychiatrist says something intelligent about what they should do next), then another chase sequence. 

You're not even scary. At all.

The Ugly: Well, nothing really. There’s nothing disgusting or awful, or terrible about this movie. It isn’t great, but it isn’t all that bad, either. It’s actually entirely unremarkable. 

Dark Asylum did prove to me one thing, once and for all: I have a huge problem. I will literally watch anything as long as Judd Nelson is in it. 

Now, this isn’t to say I wouldn’t recommend Dark Asylum. It’s just a very slight recommend that comes with an extreme, “please heed” caveat: Only watch this movie if you’re one of this people that absolutely loves bad movies. It’s the perfect film for the guilty pleasure, cheesy, mindless entertainment frame of mind. 

Slasher Honey Rating: Two of out five strait jackets. Okay, 3. Because…well, you know. 

Do YOU have a problem like I do? Will you watch ANY movie that features your favorite actor?