The Horror Honeys: Childhood is Frigging Terrifying...

Childhood is Frigging Terrifying...

A Revenge Honey Top 10 (with suggestions from all the Honeys) by Linnie


I think everyone is basically aware that childhood is generally terrifying. Everything is giant, people are always yelling at you to not touch things (leading you to believe that everything in the world is out to murder you), and everywhere you go, all you see are legs (unless you happen to lock in on the panicked eyes of another kid your size). You'd think that getting toys all the time would be the one perk of being a kid, outside of sleeping whenever the fuck you want, but no... Apparently every toymaker in the world is a sadistic asshole, twirling his mustache like Snidley Fucking Whiplash. For every cute snuggly teddy bear, there are ten toys that should have never made it past research and development, mostly because at least ONE person should have realized that toy looked like a dick.

WHY DO SO MANY TOYS LOOK LIKE DICKS?

Anyway... Nothing says "spooky kids" like a list of real life toys that may or may not be out to kill you. The following are ten of the Honeys' favorite murder machines... we mean, toys.

1) Teddy Ruxpin... is evil. We all know it.

We can all pretend this was Teddy's deal.


But we all know this is more accurate.


2) Speak N' Spell is a home for a demon.




3) Dolls that have explosive diarrhea. WHY?



4) Furby... or a freakish escapee from 
the Island of Dr. Moreau


5) Don't PRETEND you still aren't terrified of 
a Jack in the Box


6) There's a reason Annabelle hid out in this bitch...

7) From 1975, a build-your-own-serial killer kit with
Hugo, The Man of 1000 (Mostly Racist) Faces



8) Pregnant Barbie is a monster... She's a monster
This is probably why pregnancy terrifies me.


9) If bug eyes and glowing teeth are jolly, then...
No. They just aren't.

10) The Oozinator: preparing women for a lifetime of yelling...
"NOT IN MY HAIR! COME ON!"


Honorable Mention: My Buddy & Kid Sister
Because only real pals and true friends kill you in your sleep...

What kid's toys terrify YOU?
Tell me on Twitter: @linnieloowho