The Horror Honeys: She Gets What She Wants with HEX APPEAL!

She Gets What She Wants with HEX APPEAL!

A Revenge Honey Vintage Review by Linnie

I Married a Witch (1942)

Once again this week, I decided to share with my beloved darklings another of my favorite films to turn on when every other movie I've seen is just chapping my ass. That movie is René Clair's I Married a Witch, and while it may not be particularly enlightened or all that empowering, it is still a delightful little revenge film starring one of the most beautiful and likable actresses in film history. And sometimes, that is exactly what your Revenge Honey needs to inspire her forward to another week of watching abject human misery.

Plus, Frederic March was just the cat's pajamas.

"'Twould be nice to have lips... lips to whisper lies... lips to kiss man and make him suffer."

The Story: Jennifer and her father Daniel are two 17th Century witches, burned at the stake by Puritan Jonathan Wooley. Before they die, however, Jennifer curses the Wooley family, declaring that every man in the Wooley family will always marry the wrong woman, and spent his entire life in total misery. But in 1947, when Jennifer and Daniel are freed from the tree trapping their souls (stay with me), they happen upon Wooley descendant Wallace, a candidate political office and unhappily engaged. Jennifer decides to make him more miserable by wooing him and then leaving him to marry his shrieking fiancé. But Wallace is a good man who refuses to cheat, so Jennifer brews a love potion, which of course, backfires. Madcap hilarity ensues, and revenge proves to be a little less sweet than love.

Veronica Lake is potentially one of the most beautiful witches ever committed to celluloid, which is entirely refreshing given that the majority of movie witches are often hags and crones. Lake's Jennifer was the perfect precursor to Kim Novak's Gillian Holroyd in Bell, Book, and Candle and even Angela Lansbury's Miss Price in Bedknobs and Broomsticks; elegant witches with active love lives who, while perhaps a little too tied to the conventions of their time, were still glamorous as fuck. Unfortunately, we still don't get many witches like that in cinema, with the exception of Practical Magic and The Witches of Eastwick, and this is why I often find myself returning to Jennifer and her lovestruck antics.

Additionally, while I was a tad perturbed over the love story between Jennifer and the ancestor of the man that burned her alive, it wasn't long before I was swept up in the sheer ridiculousness of watching Wallace attempt to get married over and over again as Jennifer and her drunken father ruin the day. For a film made in 1942, much of what takes place is charmingly twisted, and the fact remains that there is no creature more gorgeous than Veronica Lake shooting the maid bitchy resting face while wearing Frederic March's pajamas. 

So in the end, I Married a Witch may not be a film that is advancing any feminist movements, but damnit, I adore it anyway. And if that's wrong...

Pistol, pistol, let there be, murder in the first degree!

Revenge Honey Rating: 5 Familial Curses out of 5

I Married a Witch is available via Netflix DVD, Hulu Plus, Amazon Instant Video, iTunes, &
Criterion DVD/Blu-ray

Would you have married a witchy Veronica Lake?
Talk to Linnie about it on Twitter: @linnieloowho