The Horror Honeys: Haunted Horrorscopes: May 2015

Haunted Horrorscopes: May 2015

Taurus (April 21 - May 21)

This month you will have to try very hard to maintain your relationship with some of the people close to you. It won’t be hard to say exactly what situation will be defining, but you will have to resolve a serious problem that has deep roots. Literally. The newer relationships in your life may begin sniffing around which could prove problematic given how deep you buried your ex. Be cautious, you may have contaminated your own water supply. Do not become inactive in resolving this situation or the harder it will be to do later. Try to maintain your current relationship with all the money you have by sending your significant other(s) away to a day spa. Then, try to resolve your past relationships with all of the strength you have by digging them back up. Remember that you have to pay for everything and that no secrets remain hidden forever - at least not in their original hiding spot. You’ll only make this mistake once, Taurus. I mean, consider not only your own water source, but also other’s. You don’t want your neighbors getting a whiff of something foul. And, should your new relationship endeavor(s) continue sniffing around and ruining things, at least you have a freshly dug hole available. Just be sure to fill it in a little, first. 

Gemini (May 22 - June 21)
Your May horrorscope predicts that you will be confident and rely on your own methods to achieve your survival, Gemini. You need not worry about the health and safety of others.

Two eclipses during May will create some turbulence for the twins. On one hand you’ll want to save the other captives; on the other hand, you know what you really have to do: make them succumb to your will and use them to escape and live. Good luck you two.

Cancer (June 22 - July 23)
This month will bring about major changes that will affect you over a long period, Cancer. It will cover all aspects of your captivity like being locked in a trunk, being kept in a basement, and being bound and gagged in a crate.

Your planetary placements might come in the way of your path to escape. If you fail to bulldoze your attacker you’ll have more than ample time to think about what went wrong and how to get out alive. Choose wisely.

Leo (July 24 - August 23)
This May forecasts that you have to balance your self-will and social grace. This is not the month to ignore your massive mood swings, Leo. In fact, it may be best to tie yourself to a chair. Sometimes it may be okay to wander the streets free and clear. But mostly, stay put.

Take extra care to avoid your family this month. Your attitude towards them may not be reasonable and you don’t actually know what you’re capable of.

Virgo (August 24 - September 23)
Dearest Virgo, this month you will be engrossed in the changes regarding your career and profession. This is good news. Keep your head down and continue to ignore the haunting noises around you. Don’t look in doors you’re not familiar with where they lead. And, for the Elder-God’s sake don’t look under the bed.

You have to strike equilibrium between you and your poltergeist. If you just focus on your work and ignore their hauntings, you’ll be fine. Maybe.

Libra (September 24 - October 23)
May’s predictions require you to seek the support of others and make necessary compromises in all matters. This does not mean use a Ouija board to determine if you, your home, your dog, your loved ones, or your car is haunted. There are other ways to figure this out. Leave the dead alone.

Try a magic 8 ball. The stars haven’t said anything about those yet and they are great for compromising. 

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)
When it comes to conflicts and arguments in relationships, Scorpions should work out a solution acceptable to all the parties concerned. No. That’s not right at all. 

When it comes to conflicts and arguments in relationships, you should work out a solution that is acceptable to you, Scorpio. Be stubborn and sadistic. Make them pay. They are wrong, after all.

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22)
Archers, take note. May’s stars suggest that you should focus on sensitive issues during the month. Open wounds, bruising, bright lights in dark spaces - to name a few. 

Planets are shifting so you’ll want to exercise your social communication abilities. Maybe instead of physical sensitivities you could focus on emotional ones instead. Degradation and the “I’m not touching you” game should be enough to keep spirits low.

Capricorn (December 23 - January 20)
Your horrorscope foretells that May will be a month for enjoying the fruits of your success in the after-life, Capricorn. 

The majority of planets are in the Southern sector indicating that you should concentrate on haunting family and children. You may have to depend on others to attain your scariest goals. But, this is a time for being flexible and adapting yourself to the world around you. If the toddler won’t scare, the teenager will. 

Aquarius (January 21 - February 19)
This month, Aquarians who are into the fine arts, will become more innovative. Painting with the blood of your enemies, learning how to tan human hides for book binding, creating jewelry from the bones of a less-than-kind art critic.

Now is your opportunity to put on a show, make it really good, captivate your audience, and then keep them that way. You know, for art supplies.

Pisces (February 20 - March 20)
Your determination and aggression will help you to accomplish your targets this month, Pisces. Decide what you want and take necessary action. If the situation is against you, change the situation. It will be your way all the way.

Note: The element of surprise and brute force is always in your favor. 

Aries (March 21 - April 20)
Two eclipses during May indicate major transformations for Aries. Changes are not harmful and there is no need for anxiety or stress. That extra hair on your knuckles is totally normal.

Emotional issues will dominate this month. You should concentrate on enhancing your mental strength. Bring a sudoku or crossword with you as you wait for your transformation. You know what I always say: sharp mind, sharp teeth, sharp claws. Rawr.

You can talk to our very own Mistress of the Stars, Miss Bella Blitz on Twitter - are her predictions correct?