The Horror Honeys: Vagina Dentnada

Vagina Dentnada


A Zombie Honey Review by Bella

Zombeavers (2014)

Listen. I fully admit that my sense of humor is, more often than not, that of a 12-year-old boy. I revel in this and giggle at the word balls. I’m okay with it. So, when I heard about Zombeavers, I chuckled to my heart’s content and until my tummy had side stitches. I thought it would be the most appropriate term for a vagina dentata movie. In fact, thinking about it now, I wonder what kind of movie Teeth would have been with the title Zombeavers and Zombeavers with the title Teeth. Alternate universe: Activate!

Either way, lets talk about these biohazardous waste induced zombie beavers, because that’s a journey we all need to take.

I love a good schlocky movie almost as much as I love a good poop joke. Luckily for me, you and everyone in between, Zombeavers has a plethora of both. This is not a movie that takes itself seriously. It’s a movie that does, however, recognize exactly what it is and what it’s going to do - and then does it with complete conviction - making watching it even more enjoyable.

There is no shortage of your typical horror movie tropes: a horrible accident causes something in the environment to go horribly awry, a bunch of coeds are on vacation in a remote cabin in the woods, no one listens to the harbinger warning of their sinful ways, there is drinking AND hilarious sex, all hell breaks loose in a gore-infused, full on zombie beaver attack. Ok, maybe that last one isn’t so typical, but you get the idea. 

Zombeavers does not lack for good writing and relatively decent acting which already puts it ahead of the game in a genre that is typically riddled with a tremendous lack of both. It also doesn’t skimp on the kitschy puppetry and the inside joke that it is both ridiculous and hilarious. Outside of the puppet, zombie beavers we also get a good serving of animorphism as the young coeds bitten by a zombeaver eventually become - you guessed it - zombeavers! The transformation isn’t anything as detrimental as a werewolf, but there is some fur, beady eyes, and one hell of an overbite. Also, that pesky hungering for human flesh and brain thing.

Do zombeavers have a dental plan?
Also, so many poop jokes. I should have been counting, but I’m not even sure if I can count that high. I may have had to use both fingers and toes. There was a glorious amount of poking fun at the horror genre tropes it was using to propel the movie forward. I found there to be a void in vagina jokes. (HAHA void). A missed opportunity there, but that could just be me. 

In a sea of absolutely terrible horror movies made on the cheap without a good script, proper actors/actresses, or even the slightest idea of what good self-aware humor can be, Zombeavers is really fucking refreshing, actually funny, and just bloody enough. When (not if, when) you give this movie a go, stick it out through the credits for some extra fun outtakes - it’ll make this image make much more sense:

Arby's is the new Bennigans.

Zombie Honey Rating: 4 Dental Dams out of 5

** Author note: If you didn’t get the title joke - lemme ‘splain it to you: Vagina Dentata is the term for “teeth in the vagina.” Since this movie wasn’t actually about vagina dentata, I called it Vagina Dentnada … be “nada” is spanish for “nothing.” Get it? (I’m a dork, shuddup.)