The Horror Honeys: Lessons from Slasher Movies: SCREAM

Lessons from Slasher Movies: SCREAM

What Scream Taught Us: A Slasher Honey Tribute by Chassity

A girl never forgets her first love: her first horror movie love, that is. 

Everyone has their own personal horror film experience, that one film that gifted them with the very moment they fell in love with the horror genre. 

For me, there is no horror movie I love more than Scream, and no franchise that holds a dearer place in my heart. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: if the Saw franchise is where my ultimate loyalty lies, and the owner of my horror-loving heart, then Scream is the first love that I’ll never forget.

There are so many things I love about the first movie. I love the memory I have of sneaking and watching it even though I knew my parents wouldn’t have approved. I loved how funny it was the first time I saw it. I love that I’ll never forget the thrill of that first viewing and trying to guess the killer with my brother. I loved every single sequel. And I love that I eventually won the ongoing argument with my brother about whether or not there would ever be a Scream 4. 

But the thing I love most about the franchise is how much I learned from it as a horror fan. 
And now, I’d like to share these things with you! 

25 things that the Scream franchise taught us. The good AND the bad. 

- When it comes to horror movie peril, no one is off limits. Not the rare horror-savvy blonde, and not even the Final Girl. (Admit it. Even the most hardcore fans thought Sidney was a goner towards the end of Scream 4). 

- Try to avoid dating a mama’s boy. He might turn out to be a serial killer, but even if he doesn’t, trust me, you’re better off avoiding that walking bucket of issues.  

- When there’s a killer on the loose, and you get a phone call, it’s stupid to think it’s just your friend playing a joke on you. Especially when people you know are actually getting murdered. (Scream and Scream 4). 

- And, while we’re on the subject, when trying to add up the clues and figure out whodunit, keep this in mind: It’s never the obvious movie geek friend. Never. Ever. Except maybe if there’s already one lovable film nerd. Then the second is fair game. 

- Being a journalist might harden one and make one a little rude, but it’s a kickass job for strong, ambitious women. 

- If two suspicious looking teenagers suddenly start watching a ton of horror movies for fun, maybe mention their names to the police when actual murders start to happen shortly after they start checking these horror movies out from the video store.  

 - The time to worry about your parents being “mad” at you is definitely before you’ve murdered a bunch of people. 

- Don’t be a high school principal. You’re dead meat, and everyone will just cheer when you die. 

- Giving serial killers celebrity status will inevitably lead to copycats who kill and plan to blame it all on the movies, just to show they can get away with it.

- The guy who plans a party making a mockery of their classmates being murdered is DEFINITELY the killer. 

- In real life, the rules don’t apply. You can lose your virginity (to the killer, even), and still survive. 

- High powered career woman can absolutely fall in love with dopey, small-town guys. In fact, Gail and Dewey’s entire relationship just proves that all that macho bullshit is not what women fall in love with. 

- When you kill a boy who has a weird, obsessive relationship with his mother, maybe have the cops keep tabs on the mom, just in case she decides to come back to find you and get revenge. 

- Jamie Kennedy and Jamie Lee Curtis meta moments are everything. 

- If one of your parents was a serial cheater and their adultery is so well known that it’s caused three different strings of murders, looking into the DNA of any new people who come into your life is a good idea, because there’s a good chance you’re not an only child. 

- Always listen to Randy. Always. I mean, come on. He called a murderer’s motive out years before the third round of deaths.

- That said, Randy Meeks is the horror movie geek inside all of us. 

- Actors are idiots, apparently. 

- If killings starts happening based on a script that has been kept top-secret, maybe stop looking for some internet killer and look for the more obvious choice: someone who actually had something to do with the script. 

- Here’s a dynamite horror reboot rule: if every teenager in it serves as a “new” version of a former character, and there are two new reboot versions of one character, then one of those should definitely be a red flag. (I’m looking at you, fake Randy from Scream 4). 

- Kevin Williamson was the John Hughes of the 90s. 

- Jamie Kennedy knows everything, and Neve Campbell is a badass. 

- It isn’t weird at all that after Tatum and Hallie, Sidney didn’t really have any friends her own age.  

- Technology was so far advanced in the late 90s that enough people would have had access to those voice changers to make it impossible to guess the killer based on purchase records for that device. 

And the number one thing the Scream franchise taught us: A healthy love of horror movies might actually save your life one day. So the next time someone looks at you funny for being a horror fan, shove that in their face.