The Horror Honeys: Honey Buzz ~ You Had Me At Traci Lords vs. Sharks

Honey Buzz ~ You Had Me At Traci Lords vs. Sharks

A Zombie Honey Trailer Alert by Bella

Okay listen: I am, like, 99.9% likely to watch anything you tell me has Traci Lords in it. I’m also 110% likely to watch anything with sharks, despite my otherworldly fear of them. So, telling me there is a movie out there wherein Lords is a detective hunting a bunch of women prisoners, who are being hunted by ancient sharks in a swamp, is like telling me here “here, eat this brownie.” BECAUSE I’M GONNA!

This gem of a movie, aptly titled Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre, is completely cashing in on the sharkpocalypse that has been happening since the first Sharknado. And by cashing in, I mean: hey look, another ridiculous shark movie on SyFy that I’ll totally watch in footie pajamas with popcorn and cola.

Anyway, what I gleaned from a quick synopsis and the trailer (that I watched more than once, but I’m not admitting how many times) is this: A fracking mishap cracks the earth’s crust opening up an underground waterway to a long forgotten ocean, full of ancient sharks. These sharks escape and make their way up into an Arkansas bayou, where an unsuspecting - but plucky - group of women prison workers, quickly become beakfast, lunch, and dinner. Did I mention these sharks not only swim, but burrow on land, too?
Because working in a fucking swamp didn't come with its own bucket-full
of problems to begin with, now you have to worry about ancient sharks
out for blood in water OR on land.

The trailer plays out like Lake Placid (1999) meets Fugitive (1993) and I’m pretty okay with that, because I like horrible things*. And trust me when I say you’ll be getting some horrible things since this director, Jim Wynorski, is lovably known for Vampirella, The Return of Swamp Thing and Chopping Mall, to name a few.

Sharkansas should be ready for release in mid-May, right in time for my birthday… just sayin’.

*Authors Note: I don't think either Lake Placid or Fugitive is horrible. In fact, I love them both. But, combining them into one film... well, come on. Horrible in a good way, yes? Yes!