The Horror Honeys: 12 Hours. $10 Million. 1 Kidnapped Daughter. All the Nic Cage.

12 Hours. $10 Million. 1 Kidnapped Daughter. All the Nic Cage.

A Revenge Honey "Nic Cage Expert" Review by Linnie


Stolen (2012)

I'm not quite sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way, I became the Honey's designated Nicolas Cage film critic. Maybe it's because I'm both amused and fascinated by his insane film antics. And seeing as the man puts out about 150 movies a year, dude keeps me busy. Because he would star in movie about dogs humping if the price was right, it seems a new Cage film pops up on Netflix every week. But, his monetary troubles are my gain and this week, we will be looking at Cage's 2012 crime caper, Stolen.

The Plot: Will Montgomery is the brains behind a group of skilled bank robbers, but when one of their scores goes south, his partner Vincent ends up shot in the knee and Will gets arrested... after he burns $10 million so a decade won't be tacked on his sentence. When he gets out of prison eight years later, his daughter is a teenager and Vincent is holding one of hell of a grudge. So when Vince kidnaps Will's daughter to force Will into handing over the ten mil that doesn't exist, he has to figure out how to save her, before it's too late.

Annoyed? Confused? Upset? All the same.
The latest (or possibly somewhere in the middle, given the frequency and randomness with which Cage movies come out) of Nic's movies filmed in New Orleans, Stolen actually boasts a shockingly exceptional cast. Danny Huston, Mark Valley, and Malin Ackerman (easily my favorite in the movie) round out a skilled collection of actors that always seem to surround Cage, perhaps in an attempt to elevate his own hair-trigger performances. However, Vincent is played by Josh Lucas, who both the film community, and myself, have a very checkered history with. Lucas's career has been all over the map, occasionally appearing as a poor man's Matthew McConaughey in romantic comedies, and other times in really brilliant indie films. In Stolen... I don't know know what the fuck he's doing. But I will say, when you're noticeably overacting in a film starring Nicolas Cage, it's time to reevaluate your life choices.

I don't know what you call this look... other than douchebag chic?
I heart you, Ms. Ackerman. I heart you hard.
Stolen is directed by Simon West, possibly one of the best known action directors working today. He's responsible for (action) classics such as Con Air, The Expendables 2, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, and one of my favorite Jason Statham films, The Mechanic. Stolen is distinctly Simon West. Car chases, car crashes, 'splosions, a Miami Vice-esque score, shockingly inept but lovable cops, it's all there. And while it's certainly not West's worst film, that distinction belongs to his remake of When a Stranger Calls - it's no Con Air.

Put the tacky bear back in the box. And then throw it away because you're 16.
The most surprising thing about Stolen is that given the subject matter, and the setting, Cage is shockingly restrained. When he gets emotional, it's just the right amount of emotional. There is no screaming, no hand-waving, no women-punching, and no crazy eyes. Normally I'd assume something was wrong with my darling Niccy, but I'm pretty sure that Josh Lucas was just sucking up all of the crazy in the room and there wasn't enough left to go around.

So, as we always do with Nicolas Cage movies, you get two ratings:


On the Nicolas Cage Performance Spectrum - A surprisingly calm Category One: Gentle breezes, and only a trickle of warm crazy rain
Revenge Honey Rating - 3 Long-Haired, One-Legged, Shirtless, on Fire Josh Lucas's out of 5

Stolen is available on Netflix Streaming, Amazon Instant Video, iTunes, & on DVD/Blu-ray