The Horror Honeys: Sasquatch Good, Human Bad!

Sasquatch Good, Human Bad!

A Guest Monster Honey Review by Jennica

Valley of the Sasquatch (2015)


I've bypassed my share of Bigfoot movies over the years because, let's face it, the ones that are actually watchable are few and far between. As a kid, I remember watching Harry and the Hendersons and for a short while, that was my impression of Bigfoot. Just a fun-loving ape-like giant for the whole family to enjoy. It was mildly entertaining, but ridiculous, nonetheless.
 
Just keep smiling and it won't hurt us...
My second look at the Sasquatch phenomena was during several episodes of Unsolved Mysteries. It seemed that every backwoods inbred had seen this creature but minimal evidence was captured.

The one time I saw a Bigfoot film that really had me on the edge of my seat was in 2008 when I saw Paper Dolls at a film festival in my hometown. And like Bigfoot itself, I haven't seen any sign of the film since.

When I was first told about Valley of the Sasquatch, I was expecting yet another facepalm-worthy man-versus-nature movie. Although the Head Honey and the Sci-Fi Honey assured me that writer/director John Portanova has a history of creating "solid B-movies," I remained apprehensive. But, I like to maintain my motto of "I'll watch anything once," so I pushed Play. While the movie definitely has its weaknesses, a "solid B-movie" is exactly what I got, which is far more than I can say about most Sasquatch movies.

After his mother's tragic death, Michael (Miles Joris-Peyrafitte) and his alcoholic father (Jason Vail) move to a cabin in the woods for a fresh start at life. When Michael's uncle Will (D'Angelo Midili) and his father's booze buddy Sergio (David Saucedo) join them on a hunting trip, unidentified hairy beasts are spotted. As the men fight for survival, they conclude that the only creatures capable of such strength must be Bigfoots (or is it Bigfeet?).

First, I'd like to clear the crisp pine-filled air with the factors of the film that just didn't work. One minor issue was the distracting casting choices for the role of Will and Michael. I found it incredibly difficult to believe D'Angelo Midili and Miles Joris-Peyrafitte as uncle and nephew since they look like they could easily pass for the same age. Perhaps the makeup effects team should have dropped the clumps of Sasquatch hair for five minutes and tend to Midili's baby face.

Moving on, my bigger issue lies in the lackluster ending in which Bigfoot apparently understands human language. It makes sense to have communication be the key to resolution at the end, but an animal that looks like it just thoroughly understood spoken words outside of "good boy" and "fetch"? That's borderline Doctor Dolittle crap.
 
And I love you too, you damn dirty ape.
Aside from the occasional eye-rolling, the movie has a lot to offer in the realm of entertainment and thought-provocation. As the opening credits rolled, my first bit of excitement came from seeing film extraordinaire Bill Oberst, Jr.'s name appear on the screen. Not that a known talented actor is guaranteed to do a movie any favors, but I figured that a movie about Sasquatch didn't have anything to lose.
 
"I've seen some shit."
What made Valley of the Sasquatch really worth watching, however, was the environmentalist message throughout the film. In many monster movies, the monster is just that: a monster. It makes loud noises, it chases, and it kills. But in this movie, the monster makes a statement and leaves the audience to question who is invading who's territory.

The film begins with Michael and his father entering their new abode only to discover that someone or something has torn the place apart. But all the talk in the film about killing nature's inhabitants and building a civilization on top of the forest hint at the strong possibility that humans are the real monsters.


If you're anything like me, you will probably let out a long sigh the moment you see "Sasquatch" in the movie title. But the Sasquatch in this movie aren't your typical big dumb animals. They're not tracking people down for bloodlust; they're looking to teach people a lesson.

The verdict: 3 suspicious Bigfoot droppings out of 5

GET OFF MY LAWN!