The Horror Honeys: No Backstabbing. Just Business... No, It's TOTALLY Backstabbing.

No Backstabbing. Just Business... No, It's TOTALLY Backstabbing.

A Revenge Honey Annoyed Review by Linnie

Passion (2012)

With the exception of Carrie, Brian De Palma has never been what you'd call a... female-friendly director (and in the case of Carrie, I believe that had more to do with Stephen King than De Palma). Scarface, Body Double, Dressed to Kill, even his Mission: Impossible film, these are movies where women are either incidental to a male-driven plot or nefarious and nude femme fatales. So when De Palma released the decidedly female-fronted Passion in 2012, I avoided the revenge film like the plague until I could legitimately justify doing so no more. And I can honestly say...

This movie is a plague. Avoid it or it could cause you to cough up Burton-colored blood.

The "Story:" Christine (Rachel McAdams) is the powerful female... something... of an advertising agency, and she is also a stone-cold, backstabbing bitch. When her assistant, Isabelle (Noomi Rapace) comes up with a genius ad campaign involving women's asses for a new cell phone, Christine claims the idea as her own and sets off a series of backbiting, cat-fighting, a lot of girl-on-girl kissing for no reason, tons of strangling, and more ladies kissing. Basically, everyone sucks and in De Palma's world, women are always a glass of champagne away from getting it on with each other.

"It's been ten minutes. Let's make out again even though we hate each other."
I scarcely know where to begin with this movie. First off, it is possible with repeated viewings, Passion could actually land itself in the Top Ten Best Unintentional Comedies of all time. Unfortunately, I have no desire to watch it again to confirm that. The performances in this movie are either comically overblown (McAdams) or delivered like the actor is on a bucket full of downers (Rapace). When they meet in the middle for a scene, McAdams practically swallows Rapace whole, like a snake unhinging its jaw to swallow a limpy antelope carcass.

I beg of thee, Blondie McRedlips, tone it the fuck down.
Rachel, those bangs really don't suit you... Oh... nevermind.
However, it is actually not fair to blame anyone in the movie for the veritable shit storm that it became: that is 100% Brian De Palma's fault. The first half of Passion is so flat and free of personality, literally any Johnny Nobody with a DAG card could have directed it. But then, exactly half through, it was as if someone woke De Palma up from a two month nap and he screamed, "I AM AUTEUR! PUT ALL MY THINGS IN THIS MOVIE NOW GODDAMNIT!" Angled shots, split-screens, the dated score of Pino Donaggio (that might as well have been lifted right from Dressed to Kill): I felt like I was literally being assaulted by a De Palma film. And as someone who isn't a huge fan of his style to begin with, it was torture.

You're going to be a lesbian now, Noomi. Whether you like it or not.
And because I can't just ignore it, we have to discuss the women in Passion: they are ALL ridiculous and inane stereotypes. The heartless bitch with power, the conniving mousy girl, the killer lesbian out to turn ALL THE WOMEN into lesbians too... They're all here and they're all idiotic. By the time the fiftieth twist in the movie occurred, it was clear that when De Palma adapted the French film, Crime d'amour, he did so with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. I kid you not when I say that apropos of nothing, an identical twin appeared in the film's closing moments to throw in one FINAL twist as the credits close. Because what is a dated, lame psychosexual thriller without the appearance of an even more evil identical twin?

A soap opera. That's what.

She's smoking so you KNOW she's a bad girl. Thanks 80s stereotyping.
Passion is quite possibly one of the stupidest movies I've ever seen in my life. And given the amount of stupid movies I've suffered through, that's saying something. So thanks, Brian De Palma. Thanks for setting the bar impossibly high for the next horrible movie.

Revenge Honey Rating: 0 Tacky Pairs of Shoes out a Billion

I'm not telling you where to find Passion, because I'm not encouraging your
self-destructive behavior.