The Horror Honeys: Horrorscopes: February 2015

Horrorscopes: February 2015

Aquarius (January 21 - February 19)
February can be an exciting and impulsive month for you, dear Aquarius, and it’s time for new beginnings. Relationship drama is possible around the 3rd, with a Full Moon in your opposing sign, and no, this does NOT mean you will become a werewolf, hard as you may try. Let’s face it, there has been a lot of focus on you and your needs, and it’s time to balance things out a little. Be careful with money this month. Although you’re getting wonderful new ideas about who you want, how to get them, and how to keep them locked away from the world in  their own private crate, you’re inclined to overdo it drawing more attention to yourself than is necessary. You may also want to get a haircut. (See the aforementioned “not a werewolf” thing.) See if your impulses pass quickly before jumping in. Jumping on. Or jump, jump, jumping around, you’re no spring chicken... or puppy. This behavior could also draw unwanted attention. Many Aquarians could be acquiring items of the dream variety - squeaky toys and dog bones should be avoided - whether through violent muggings or from, well, violent muggings. From the 12th forward, you begin to feel more clear-headed, prompting quicker decisions and more direct pursuits of your victims. Your impulsive side is alive and well on the 18-19, when you could feel pressure to handle a “matter” that has been causing you problems or preventing you from moving forward and digging that hole in the backyard. In the last week of the month and into March, you want to come out a winner. This is a competitive time, ideally pleasantly so, and you can use this to your advantage by pushing yourself to complete the obstacle course, get the ball, and sit. Good boy. The 24-25 is strong for really scoping out which of your many new delusions are worth sharing with your captive audience. Be careful not to push too hard or let impatience rule when it comes to walking, fetching and rolling over. Your captive may not believe they are a werewolf just yet. (But we believe that you are, now.) You’re inclined to act before you think at this time. Now is a good time to cement a friendship, usually around the ankles for a good anchor. Or get the courage to seek out a new friend. Dogs are pack animals after all. It’s a good time to howl the first howl. Certainly, most of February, you’re quite certain that you’re changing.

Pisces (February 20 - March 20)
Predictions foretell you will be at center stage as law enforcement creates their most wanted list. You have to decide your path and objectives right now and follow it up with due diligence otherwise bad things will definitely happen. Focus on your freedom for now, escape plans and disguises - not new torturous endeavours. 

Aries (March 21 - April 20)
People born under this zodiac sign should focus on “career” issues during February. It’s better to put family concerns in the background. Don’t worry, no one is looking for your second cousin buried out back. Planetary positions are favorable for exercising your gardening prowess. Hoe. Hoe. Hoe.

Monetary issues will be dominant during the month, Aries. Try selling your new crops at a farmers market, just be sure to keep your cousins name out of your booth banner.

Taurus (April 21 - May 21)
Family and love life will take a backseat - err a trunk - family and love life will end up in a trunk. The influence of other people will recede and one more “you know what you should do” will push you over the edge. The vehicle you’re driving will dictate your actions this month, Taurus, so be sure it’s a big one. You’ll appreciate this advice if you lack a hand saw.

Overseas travel could be in the cards, Taurus. Remember you can empty your trunk into a travel trunk and no one will be the wiser.

Gemini (May 22 - June 21)
Personal achievement will dominate this month, Gemini. Cooperating with your attacker will be a necessity. You should avoid conflict and be flexible to be in harmony with your forced situation and environment.

If you’re in a creative field such as writing, you will have an excellent chance of escape using your words. But travel swiftly, they’re right behind you.

Cancer (June 22 - July 23)
This month forecasts that you need to concentrate on social skills to get things done. People are rarely out alone anymore. This is not the time to exert yourself in back alleys. But, instead, to adapt yourself to club-like situations and people.

Planets have shifted and you have to pursue your targets with vigor and zeal. This will be a fabulous month for Cancerians with much dancing and death.

Leo (July 24 - August 23)
You will accomplish things in life through cooperation and flexibility, Leo. Cooperate with the officer and use your flexibility to escape those restraints. This month the planets are moving and you’re becoming more active and attracting more attention. Strike a balance between your blood lust and staying on the down-low. 

Virgo (August 24 - September 23)
It makes sense to use your social charm to accomplish your objects in life. Being a virgin isn’t enough to save you this time. Aggression and independence can hold you back, but so can that masked maniac following you around. Avoid all types of conflict with others or you’re sure to end up on a milk carton.

Libra (September 24 - October 23)
Astrology predictions show that during February 2015, Librans should concentrate on improving their physical strength. This in turn will help you with overtaking stronger, more difficult victims. You may require the help of your social circle should you choose too large a prey.

Librans with a creative flair will excel with use of chemical enhancements like chloroform.

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)
Your kill-zone growth depends on your compatibility with other people this month, Scorpio. You have to be flexible and adapt yourself to the environment in order to expand your reach. Scope out neighborhoods and communities where you blend and commit to finding that perfect hide-away. You will dominate both men and women in your expanded area in no time at all.

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22)
You need to focus on strengthening your emotional quotient this month, Saggitarius. This will help you in reigning in your paranoia. You may be governed by the voices in your head. They have an abundant amount of energy and are encouraging you to pursue less-than-savory goals. Avoid listening to the voices. Also avoid conflicts with them.

Domestic travel is indicated this month, Saggitarius. This is good because fighting with yourself on your home-turf draws unwanted attention. You are not your target.

Capricorn (December 23 - January 20)
February predicts that your independent efforts and happiness will be the dominant aspect this month, Capricorn. You’ll work alone and be happier for dominating new, weaker prey. You can decide what you want to accomplish with the rest of their lives. But be sure to pay attention and build a solid, psychologically damaging foundation.

Spiritual stability will reign supreme in your psychosis this month. Pray over your victims, the Elder Ones like that. 

Bella is a writer, blogger and co-founder of Nerdery Public
Follow our spooky Mistress of the Stars, Miss Bella Blitz on twitter