The Horror Honeys: Furious Honey Buzz ~ 'Martyrs...' Now with More Jump Scares!

Furious Honey Buzz ~ 'Martyrs...' Now with More Jump Scares!



Like most of the horror loving world, many of the Honeys count Pascal Laugier's Martyrs among their favorite films. Head Honey Kat and myself have written at length about how much this movie both means to us, and devastates us at the same time. But more than that, Martyrs is without questions one of the most important horror films to be released in the last twenty years, based on its themes, its focus on two brilliantly strong lead women, and its shockingly nihilist ending.

So naturally, Blumhouse has to remake it for American audiences.



WHAT THE... WHYYYYYY?

As the painfully generic teaser poster implies, and the insultingly generic casting proves, this is a Blumhouse movie all around and those people just don't get it. Bailey Noble, from a season of True Blood, and Troian Bellisario, from Pretty fucking Little Liars have been cast as Anna and Lucie and I just died on the inside. Because good fucking GRACIOUS, we must have have a blonde actress in this movie. Two brunettes? UNTHINKABLE! The directors? The Goetz Brothers, who have exactly one credit to their name... a movie that starred Josh Duhamel. I am about to have a serious white girl moment when I say:

I just can't. I can't even. I can't.

I have long said, and I maintain, there is ZERO chance any American, especially the dudebros at Blumhouse, have the ovarian fortitude to ever remake a French film the way it's meant to be seen. And MartyrsMARTYRS? Yeah, no, you guys have a great time trying to re-created moments like this.


And this...


And do so with even a tenth of the emotion that each of those scenes contained. But you know what? I'll never know. Because I'm not seeing your damn movie anyway. Just remember, darklings:

Every time you see a Blumhouse horror remake, Jason Blum rips the wings off of a fairy. 

Also... you encourage them to keep making more. ~ The Revenge Honey