The Horror Honeys: Who Survives? Who Would Want to Survive?

Who Survives? Who Would Want to Survive?

A Revenge Honey Winter Horror Review by Linnie


Devil Times Five (aka Peopletoys)(1974)

This review must begin with a confession: I had tried to watch Devil Times Five three times prior to this Horror Honeys Holiday event, and had always turned it off after fifteen minutes. I could never make it past the 70s porn music, the ridiculous cat fights, and enough slow motion shots to make Zack Snyder jealous. But this year, I pushed through those first fifteen minutes of pure 70s misery and it turns out, Devil Times Five is actually quite a lot of fun... Cheesy, ridiculous, 70s-chest hair exposing fun.

The Story: A businessman, his adult daughter, her fiancĂ©, and a host of other 70s stereotypes are on winter vacation at the businessman's remote mountain house. Unbeknownst to them, a van transporting five sociopathic and violent children has crashed up the road, and those same kids arrive at the house seeking shelter from the snow. Despite the fact one of the kids is dressed in combat fatigues and speaking in military code, and another is dressed like a nun, the adults don't find any of that weird, and invite them in to stay. Of course the question then becomes... who will survive?!?

Devil Times Five is a host of Hollywood legend and strange beginnings for actors who would later go on to be quite famous.

Underage albino? You be the judge.
Creepy Devil Times Five legend #1: The actress who played "Sister Hannah," Gail Smale, never made another film again. It was rumored that she was actually the under-age girlfriend of Devil's first director, Sean MacGregor. Part of the reason her character pretended to be a nun was to hide her age. Additionally, there were rumors that Smale was an albino, and the rose-colored glasses she wore throughout the film were an additional step to hide both her albinoism, and her age.

This gory little 70s curio is full of B-list celebrity goodness. The leader of the killer kids is none other than Leif Garrett, future teen idol and VH1 Behind the Music star. As David, Garrett is both a raging psychopath and a pre-teen cross-dresser, which totally caught me off guard. When David pointed out that the blue in a plaid dress perfectly matched his eyes, I suspected something interesting was about to happen. But nothing could prepare me for the sight of Leif Garrett in a long black wig and dress, daintily applying makeup to his pudgy little face. But Devil Times Five didn't treat the moment as an element of his psychosis... he was just a little boy who dug makeup. I've always hailed Sleepaway Camp as the first horror film to truly embrace the LGBT lifestyle, but it may actually be Devil Times Five.

SMILE! Ok... um... SCOWL!
That's one Frosty I'd rather not see come to life, thank you.
Creepy Devil Times Five legend #2: Filming on Devil Times Five began under the direction of Sean MacGregor, who was fired after just a few weeks of difficult production. Much of the film had to be reshot with a different director when MacGregor's footage was deemed unusable. According to legend, MacGregor ended up in the psych ward of mental hospital following his departure from the film. Dun dun DUN!

Also starring in Devil Times Five are Sorrell Booke (aka Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazard), Shelley Morrison (aka Rosario from Will & Grace), and well... that's really it. But it's tremendous fun to see both of those people in the early stages of their career, getting axed in the head and lit on fire, respectively. I especially loved that Morrison played the resident lush, essentially the "Karen" of the household. But I suppose you'd only appreciate that if you were a certified Will & Grace nerd.

"Hey mom! Your boobs aren't showing enough! Flex! FLEX!"
Creepy Devil Times Five FACT #3: The character of "Lovely" (ugh, fuck you 70s names) was played by Carolyn Stellar, who you may know better as LEIF GARRETT'S MOM. During the course of this film, she gets in a cat fight, macks on another woman's fiancĂ©, and then dies in the bathtub via piranha attack with her tits exposed, and her son watching. I'm not going to get Oedipal here, but based on Leif Garrett's childhood, I can't help but think there was some wish-fulfillment going on during this scene.

"Nothing says 'fit for childcare' like nude introductions."
There is no question that Devil Times Five is an absolutely ridiculous entry into the "killer kids" genre of horror film, but I enjoyed the hell out of it in spite of myself. Just force your way through those brutal first fifteen minutes, and you may find your new favorite winter horror film.

Revenge Honey Rating: 4 Wig-Wearing Leif Garrett's out of 5