The Horror Honeys: December 5th Will Never Be The Same...

December 5th Will Never Be The Same...

A Sci-Fi Honey Holiday Horror Review by Jen

Saint (Sint) (2010) - Poorly Dubbed Edition

Well dumplings, after an ill-fated trip to Mars with Santa, I thought Id switch things up and head to Amsterdam with Sinterklaas. After all, whats the worst that would happen: Santa gets stoned and eats too many cookies?? Oh the humanity!

I was wrong, kiddies. Oh so wrong.

Basic synopsis: In the late 1490s, St. Niklas (in this movie, not historically) was an evil bishop who was killed on December 5th by villagers who refused to put up with the Bishop and his gang of thugs (called Black Petes) looting and killing. After that, in years in which the December 5th coincides with a full moon, they return as murderous ghosts. In a flashback at the beginning of the movie, a family is slaughtered on December 5th 1968, with the exception of one boy. Fast forward 23 years, and that boy is a detective, and you guessed it, it’s December 5th, and a full moon. And of course, he’s the only one who thinks Sinterklaas is going to kill everyone; the rest of the populace thinks Sinterklaas is a benevolent gift-bringer. December 5th has become a happy holiday and people forgot that St. Niklas was a bad guy. Hilarity ensues.

Just what you want to see sliding down your chimney on Christmas Eve!
This was a tough movie to watch, because of the extremely poor dubbing - I couldnt find a subtitled copy anywhere. If anyone knows of one let me know, because the kung-fu-movie-level dubbing pretty much ruined it for me right off the top. The acting by default has to seem bad, because the voices dont match the actors, and the translations often seemed either incorrect or just lame. 

The effects makeup was about average, though cinematographically it was overall a good looking movie.

Then there’s the Blackface. 
Awwww, that's just not okay.
Historically, Zwarpiet or Black Petes in the Netherlands are Sinterklaases little helpers. Basically white people with black makeup on. 

I won’t lie, I felt a bit uncomfortable watching drunk white guys in blackface running around a modern city acting like tools.
An interesting thing about this movie is that Sinterklaas is totally down with killing little kids; he super-likes it in fact. A lot of horror movies tend to keep a nice comfortable distance from indiscriminate child-killing, but not this one. I partly admire their cojones. A lot of the killing (all ages) happens off-screen though, so the scary potential isn’t really realized. Except for the usual sword-through-the-eye stuff, of course.
There were some funny moments in Saint. For example, one girl broke up with her boyfriend in front of their high school class via a poem. European breakups have class, no? But most of the jokes seemed either lame or might have been lost in translation.

Other lines in the movie were even less funny.

“What did the Black Petes look like?”
“One looked like 50 cent, one looked like Will Smith.”

Yikes. *cringe*

It's like the Lone Ranger from Hell.
This movie seemed a lot like a regular slasher film. It had a stereotypical drunk horny guy, the usual cops who are bumbling and dont know whats going on, the ol dead body in the chimney gag. There was also what I thought was going to be a female lead/important character at the start of the movie who pretty much vanishes after the first part. The writing wasnt exactly top notch. People died, a bunch of blood, some scares. Meh. I expected more from a movie that is down with moppet-cide. There was a quite cool chase scene involving a horse over rooftops though that was the highlight for me.

At least someone was having fun.
Sci-Fi Honey lowdown: I went into Saint hoping for a different/historical-style spin on the Evil Santa themed holiday movie. What I got was a pretty mediocre film. It had a lot of potential, the idea is an interesting one, and I liked that it was similar to Troll Hunter in that it brought some old stories/myths to life in a different/evil way. It was probably supposed to be funny, but I was generally unamused. I also wasnt very scared, which might have saved it for me. Saint wasnt well executed, in my opinion, and wont be entering the Holiday Movie Staple list for me. I should have watched Die Hard for the 15th time instead. Or gotten hosed. That might have helped.

Sci-Fi Honey Rating:  I give Saint one drunken horny Dutch teenager in a Santa beard looking to get laid out of five.

Sint is available via ShudderGoogle Play & Blu-ray/DVD

Are you down with Amsterdam's Santa?
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