The Horror Honeys: Get Ready to Get Wasted

Get Ready to Get Wasted

A Head Honey "Against My Better Judgement" Review

Shrooms (2007)

As Head Honey/True Crime Honey/Slasher Honey I don't always score the best options for my review films.  Anyone with a camera/recording device and some friends/girlfriends/significant others who will show their tits on film thinks that they can make the bestest slasher movie EVAR, and then I have to watch it.  What about MY needs?  Sigh.

The premise: A group of 20-somethings with too much money and not enough life goals travel to Ireland to camp and do mushrooms in the woods and basically have the BEST TRIP EVER (literally and figuratively).  Cue me making the face I wore for pretty much the entire movie.


Now, maybe it's just that I got over my drug experimentation phase before I hit my mid-20's or just that I decided that I was too much of a control freak for drugs to be "fun."  Or maybe it's because when I was in my early 20's I spent a LOT of time around people whose main goal in life was to get high...and 'scuze me for being a "buzz kill," but I don't have time for that shit.  So, right away, let's establish that I was highly fucking annoyed for the duration of Shrooms.  Number one, if all you want in life is to get high, don't spend literally THOUSANDS of dollars to fly halfway around the world to do it.  Visit your nearest university/college campus and ask around...you'll be high in no time and then your biggest worry is finding a grassy field to roll around on for a bit.

The secret to a "happy high" is knowing your fungi.
It rhymes.  

Seriously? Is that a shillelagh?
WTF.
Anyone who's had any kind of interaction with people who do drugs has seen similar scenarios to this: "OMG why did you get high before meeeee??" cue the dramatic whining and couple fighting that makes me want to hit myself with blunt objects.  But hey, "dudes will be dudes" seems to be the moral of the story, which again makes me more than slightly annoyed.  Cue also some gross couple fights that involve unrequited cross-relationship goo-goo eyes, some awkward interactions, a dude-bro fight, and some awkward dry humping.

Let's be perfectly honest here, while I actually have been known to enjoy my share (and probably more) of 'magic' mushrooms, you might have guessed that I don't miss those days or the company I used to keep.  At all.

So, the "twist" to this awesomely well thought
Can't wait for YOU to die.
out "storyline" (you'll notice how many quotes I used here) is that there's a killer stalking the woods.  While our entitled American tourists are off on their happy little trip, there's a scary dude in the woods, in the water (which is actually a really beautifully done couple of scenes), in the campground, everywhere - stalking them and picking them off one by one - plus some traditional Irish rednecks - kind of like Deliverance, but with an accent that's even LESS intelligible.  There are also some uncomfortable rapey style moments too, which were actually really well done, although how you WOULDN'T be creeped the fuck out by interacting with these dandies, I don't even know.  They were highly entertaining and wore their fucked up right out there in the open, which I enjoyed and got a good giggle out of.
Irish dental.  Lookin' good.

Yes, this is what it looks like.
SO, by now we have stoned people running through the woods, having conversations with cows (yes, I said conversations with cows), an attempted rape/molestation, some AWFUL couple dynamics, and me making pissed off face.  Then we're hit with the local legend of an abandoned orphanage and some molesting priests - which is par for the course, as far as I'm aware from my exposure Irish literature, films and etc - Ireland is full of poor people, orphanages, and rapey, molestery priests.  Right?  No?  I guess that doesn't look so good on travel brochures.

You totally deserved to die.
I enjoyed your death.
Without giving away too much, Shrooms is a "classic" slasher in that I was excited for the lead actors to die in awful ways.  The added "historical" side storyline twist makes it interesting for me, and there are some beautiful visuals and art direction type details that I really appreciated.  However, the trite premise of the story, the "final twist" that really just pissed me off, the generally stereotyped and annoying nature of the lead characters and my highly developed method of watching films with my judging eyes of judgement made me wish that this was a silent film.  I would have HAPPILY watched this on mute and been able to figure out what was going on, then I would have been able to appreciate the great visuals (Ireland is fecking pretty) and surprisingly great makeup and blood FX.  I like my horror film makeup dirty and detailed.

Maybe I should try watching Shrooms again on mute and with a bigger glass of whiskey... Hmmm.

Head Honey Verdict: I give this slasher film 2 Death Caps out of a possible 5 - beautiful visuals can't save a film full of morons.