The Horror Honeys: Slasher Honey's 10 WTF Moments in Horror

Slasher Honey's 10 WTF Moments in Horror

A Slasher Honey Top Ten List!

Have you ever been watching a horror movie (or any movie for that matter) and find yourself bursting out laughing or yelling "WHYYY DID YOU DO THAT???" at the screen? Darlings, this is for you.

10. Locking the door when pursued by a spirit or demon

One of the most brainless things people do in horror films, especially supernatural ones, is to run away from a pursuing spirit and attempt find safety behind a locked door. Newsflash - ghosts don't have any respect for your locked door safety blanket.

9. Breaking the rules - sure, the amusement park is closed/building is condemned, but let's go in anyway!

Horror movies are known for killing off their stars when rules are broken, especially societal taboo rules like breaking the law. Horror movies are meant to be cautionary tales, if you do bad things, bad things happen to you. Seems pretty simple right? Right? Guys?

Maybe don't explore the abandoned and condemned asylum...

8. Watching a monster transform

OK, granted, if you didn't stick around to watch the mild mannered doctor transform into the hideous beast who will be the architect of your undoubtably messy demise you would miss out on some really cool memories - but then again, if you're not going to live through the transformation, it's probably best to just turn around and run screaming into the night.

Aw, but its looks SO COOOOO---aaaahhhhhh!!!!!

7. Everyone talks about calling the police, but no one ever actually does.

Yes, it's likely that the police won't believe you when you call and freak out randomly on the phone about a silent attacker in a William Shatner mask who won't stop following you at slow speeds. But then again, if you call 9-1-1 and just leave the phone off the hook, they HAVE to check on you, especially if they can hear you screaming bloody murder in the background.

6. Sneak up on your attacker, and then yell while delivering your "death blow"

Not relegated to a particular type of character, the triumphant scream uttered just before delivering the final blow to the killer that you finally caught unawares is usually a good indicator of who is going to die next - that triumphant bellow will most definitely alert the killer to your hiding place, all surprise is lost, and, you guessed it - you die next.

YAAAHHH *stab*

Well, now you've just pissed him off. 

5. Running away from a killer? Be sure to scream REALLY loud while you do it.

A follow up to number 6, panicked screaming while running away is also a dead giveaway as to your location. Don't plan on finding a safe hiding place, if while you're looking for said hiding place you're screaming your head off. Dead giveaway. Emphasis on the dead part.

4. Being the "big man" or the "tough chick" - you go go die.

In some horror movies, death is genderless - everyone dies. The first person to die in a public manner (in front of the rest of the group) is always the one who has to take on the killer/entity first hand to "sort everything out" or "check out what that noise was" - this first public death is the killer's coming out party, and is a demoralizing blow to the remainder of the group. This death also usually sets off a cascade effect of other stupid horror movie behavior. The moral of the story? Don't be the hero.

3. Staying in a haunted house is stupid. Period.

Why this isn't self-explanatory, I'll never know. Sure, you bought it with your own money and it's your dream house and shit, but someone else was there first, and if they don't want you there? Why don't you GTFO? Possession is 9/10ths of the law or something, right? That applies in the spirit world too.


2. Running in a straight line - bob and weave, people!

This is also something I'll never understand, when attempting to evade a killer, it's essential to engage evasive maneuvers pattern Kirk epsilon and cover some alternate terrain. If you're in a residential neighborhood, hop some fences and work the alleys. If you're in the woods, cross country trail that scenario and hightail it out of there. Or, climb a tree and wait 'till morning. Supernaturally powered masked killers HATE mornings.

1. "No, I'm sure I got him, don't check the body, I'm sure the killer/evil thing is dead!"

My BIGGEST horror movie pet peeve. Horror heroes and heroines who have never held, or fired a weapon are really not the people I would trust to know if they had actually dispatched the killer. Glancing blows, stunned by a fall, a grazing shot from a shakily pointed weapon? Better check that big guy out and be sure to double tap. ALWAYS double tap. If you don't see brains splattered on the floor, don't EVER suspect that you've won, and don't celebrate too early, that always ends badly.

Saw that one coming a mile away.