The Horror Honeys: Honey Buzz ~ Into the Woods, or How to Piss Off the Revenge Honey

Honey Buzz ~ Into the Woods, or How to Piss Off the Revenge Honey

Okay, kids. Today is MY day and I'm taking some time to unload about something. Stephen Sondheim's Into the Woods is one of my favorite musicals of all time. When it was announced in 2010 that Disney was adapting the stage show into a film, I was actually not that excited. I (rightfully) assumed that the twisted take on the world of Grimm would be heavily sanitized to capitalize on the big money of the family film industry. When the initial trailer for Into the Woods was released two months ago, imagine my surprise when there was no, you know, SINGING. Which makes perfect frigging sense given IT'S A MUSICAL!

But this is the least of my worries now. Sondheim himself admitted that most of the darker elements of the play had been removed, which means some of the best songs are probably missing as well. But now, thanks to an Entertainment Weekly cover shoot, the biggest problem of all has finally revealed itself...

Director Rob Marshall doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.

In that teaser trailer above, we didn't actually see Johnny Depp as the Wolf, and based on the EW cover, it's clear why Marshall and company held that back. Depp looks less like a villainous wolf and more like the lead singer of Mighty Mighty Bosstones with bad facial hair. Not to mention, the producers cast a 12-year-old girl as Red, which means the entire sexually charged subplot between Red and the Wolf is either gone, or Marshall is making a musical about pedophilia.

Also... am I the only one who sees a resemblance between Meryl Streep's Witch and another famous pop culture witch?

Either they are sisters, or Mel Brooks has a case for copyright infringement...

The other three covers don't do anything to instill more faith in what will likely be a Rock of Ages level disaster. I don't care how many famous people you jam into your adaptation: if you change everything that made a show exceptional for film-goers, you can eat a bag of dicks. 

I do. I really do.