The Horror Honeys: Not Your Average Dairy Farm!

Not Your Average Dairy Farm!

A Supernatural Honey Review

Thirst (1979)

Fasten your seat belts while I take you back to the 70s for a bit of bloodsucking fun. Well, there is a lot of sucking, but fun? I'm not so sure.

There are a lot of films out there called Thirst, but this was one I'd never heard of. In an attempt to copy every Hammer vampire film ever made, Australia brings us the story of Kate Davis (Chantal Contouri), a descendent of Elizabeth Bathory. Kate is about to take a well-deserved vacation when she is kidnapped by an organization called The Brotherhood. The Brotherhood is a group of vampires who want to bring Kate into the fold. She has no idea of her legacy and it's their intent to awaken it in her.

They bring Kate to their research facility, which is also where they milk their "blood cows" to feed without arising suspicion. The cows are human subjects who spend the majority of their time walking around in a haze from either loss of blood or drugs to keep them docile. Kate is disgusted and makes several attempts at escaping, but is always brought back to the farm. She eventually relents and agrees to join, but not before taking a few of them out.

Awww man, you mean I have to hang out with you old cows?
Frankly, I don't blame Kate. She's a young, beautiful woman and the lure of being a vampire is immortality and eternal youth. Unfortunately, all the members of The Brotherhood are middle-aged and elderly. Kind of hard to sell it if the people you'll be around forever are using walkers to get around.

The other problem with these "vampires" is they're not really vampires. They wear false fangs, essentially a bridge, which fits over their real teeth. There is also never any indication as to how long they have lived or which families they belong to, although they keep mentioning uniting them.

There are several flashbacks and/or dream sequences, which make the already confusing story even more convoluted. The movie even begins on a flash forward. Yes, it's that ridiculous.

I did NOT sign up to wear these unflattering outfits!
Gore is not something you're going to get here. There is blood, as you would expect from a film about vampires and its that lovely bright red looking blood you expect from the 70s.

I will admit I enjoyed the concept. It's a different take on the sub-genre, especially for the time, but it's lacking too much to make it a truly good film. This film was a blatant attempt at copying the style of Hammer, but it wasn't entirely successful. It feels very much like a made for TV movie, from the production, the score and even the credits.

With all of the remakes out there, destroying our classic films, how about take a little known film like this one and amp it up? This could definitely use an upgrade.

Supernatural Honey Rating: 2.5 fake fangs out of 5