The Horror Honeys: Supernatural Honey: "This movie really bugs me"

Supernatural Honey: "This movie really bugs me"

A Supernatural Honey Annoyface Review

The Moth Diaries (2011)

If you think that an all-girl private school is a place where young, nubile ladies bathe together, engage in lesbian activities, and have affairs with their much older professors, then Mary Harron’s attempt at a young adult vampire film is for you! For me, this does nothing. I might be able to look past all that if the story was engaging. Sadly, it wasn’t. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Rebecca (Sarah Bolger) returns to school, eager to see her friends, especially Lucy (there is always a Lucy in a vampire film). She is dealing with a myriad of emotional issues due to the suicide of her poet father. She and Lucy are super BFFs and when new girl, Ernessa, shows up and is befriended by Lucy, things begin to unravel. Lucy distances herself from Rebecca and a series of unfortunate events drive their circle of friends away. Lucy becomes ill and Rebecca points the finger at Ernessa. Of course, no one believes her. 

Jesus, I’m so tired of these new spins on Dracula and Carmilla, especially, the PG-13 films. There is absolutely zero redeeming here.

The cast is dull, but hey, it got Scott Speedman out of hiding. Although, looking at IMDb, I guess he’s been acting all along, just in a lot of other crap no one is watching. He plays Mr. Davies, Rebecca’s English teacher. He’s a big fan of her dad’s writing and tries to put the moves on her. Just like Nic Cage hooked up with Elvis’ daughter in a vain attempt to be close to the King… except with pedophilia.

Lily Cole, who plays the vampire, Ernessa, has a face that’s almost pretty, but because she has a teeny, tiny mouth, it mostly looks like she’s sucking on lemons. There is nothing ethereal or scary about her. She’s boring and looks bored too, even when she’s trying to persuade Rebecca to slit her wrists. There is some back story to Ernessa, but it’s not fully fleshed out so you don’t actually know how she became a vampire.

Almost every girl in this movie is a stereotype. The ones who aren’t serve no purpose. I’ve never had a lot of female friends and watching this movie made me happy I didn’t. I don’t want to sit and cry while a gaggle of bitches coddle me. I also don’t want to watch my best friend take a bath, unless my best friend is Tom Hiddleston.

There are a lot of fucking moths in this movie, but I’m not sure I was paying attention enough to get the symbolism. I’m pretty sure the moths actually ate the script because it was so full of plot holes.
Honestly, I don’t even want to waste any more of my time writing about this drivel. I need to go back to the '70s. PRONTO!

Supernatural Honey Verdict: 1.5 moth balls out of 5