The Horror Honeys: Hide your bosoms! Ingrid Pitt is coming for them.

Hide your bosoms! Ingrid Pitt is coming for them.

A Supernatural Honey Review

The Vampire Lovers (1970)

In honor of Kill Your Lover Month, I wanted to watch something romantic and sentimental, so I watched a movie about lesbian vampires. That's romantic, right? 

My love of horror began with Hammer films. The Vampire Lovers is one that somehow escaped me until recently. The story is based on J. Sheriden le Fanu's "Carmilla" and stars Ingrid Pitt, Kate O'Mara and Peter Cushing. Frankly, I'd watch any movie with Peter Cushing even if he stood silently in a corner for 2 hours. 
After her entire vampire family is destroyed, Marcilla/Carmilla (Pitt) sets out to rebuild her harem of lady vamps, preying on the lonely daughters of noblemen. The men get suspicious and attempt to destroy her. The plot really couldn't get any simpler. 

That's some great acting.
I've never really understood the appeal of Ingrid Pitt. She has big boobs and isn't afraid to let them be free, but she isn't particularly attractive nor is she a good actress. However, Hammer didn't hire these ladies based on how well they could act, did they? 

Pippa Steele and Madeline Smith, who play victims Laura and Emma, respectively, are doe-eyed and naive. In fact, they act borderline developmentally disabled. The only woman in this film who deserves any real credit is Kate O'Mara. Not only is she gorgeous, she manages to take her role seriously without being ridiculous. I have a bit of a girl-crush on her.

Hammer films always look stunning. They're colorful, but also have a beautiful dreary, dreamy quality. The costumes are period accurate so the men are distinguished and the babes are busty.

If you're looking for a movie with plenty of boobies, The Vampire Lovers has got them! Lots of them! It's all girl on girl here. The men in this film are only there to be reasonable, which we ladies know is completely unrealistic. 

Save for a few flashback scenes where the vampire clan is being destroyed, The Vampire Lovers isn't very bloody, but this relies on eroticism and suspense, rather than gore, to get it's point across. I don't have a problem with that.

One of my biggest gripes about Hammer vampire films is the staking of the stomach. Yes, stomach. They never stake the heart. What is that about?

I wouldn't say this is the best vampire movie I've ever seen, but it certainly isn't the worst. Overall, Hammer delivers a sexy, sultry story that puts most modern vampire films to shame. I'm talking to you, Twilight. Actually, I've never seen a Twilight film, nor will I, but something tells me I'm probably right.

Supernatural Honey Verdict: 3.5 puncture marks on the breast out of 5