The Horror Honeys: 'Detention' Don't Make Sense... And That's OK

'Detention' Don't Make Sense... And That's OK

A Manic Revenge Honey Review

Since Joseph Kahn's Detention is a mashup of pretty much every film genre that you could possibly imagine, my Revenge Honey review is going to be a variety of literary styles as a sort of homage to this strange and generally unappreciated movie. Why? Because I can. THAT'S WHY.

Limerick
There once was movie called Detention
I approached it with great apprehension
But I finally gave in and watched it with gin
And frigging loved it, so it's time to pay attention...



Jane Austen
It is a single truth in this world that truly strange and unusual films, alas, exist but for to be exiled into the realm of the unwatched. Like an unmarried daughter amongst a collection of well-bread beauties, the truly curious film is one that is often disregarded as without proper society. But, per chance, should an odd film stand out amongst it's contemporaries as having a characteristic more ingenious to offer  those who by sheer happenstance should stumble upon it, then that is a glorious moment to be sure.

Haiku
Detention stars my
Jailbait crush Josh Hutcherson
Don't judge me you fucks



Twilight
I sat alone in my dimly-lit, sad teenage girl bedroom that smelled faintly of Hollister perfume, as the delicate sounds of my favorite whiny pop rock band wafted listlessly from my tiny stereo in the corner where I keep all of my medical bills as love letters. As I sat in my bed, surrounded by a dozen lavender and blush pillows and quilt embroidered with the face of my boyfriend (you know the one... the slightly pale angry guy who spends a lot of time letting me get hurt and telling me we can't have sex but then informing 99% of my personality because I don't have one of my own), I watched this really clever horror film Detention. At least I think it was clever. My boyfriend hasn't told me for sure. I'd tell you more about the movie, but I have to spend a few hours not emoting and describing the clouds for no apparent reason. Come back later, k?


Classic Poetry
Detention presents as a horror movie made by John Hughes
Essentially The Breakfast Club with a slasher
Truly, it's anything but a snooze
This film will blow your mind like an atom smasher
There are aliens, insect-boys, Canadians, and gore
Frankly, more generes than you can shake a stick at
Hutcherson & lead lady Shanley Caswell have great rapport
And the director has the teen horror genre down pat
Yes, Detention is at times a little manic
But this trait is clearly part of it's charm
Frankly, I find it a more entertaining movie than Titanic
And that movie made me want to buy the farm
So if I haven't  made it clear, you should see Detention
And not just because I think Josh Hutcherson is hot
The fact that Dane Cook dies violently should get an honorable mention
The only thing better? Kicking his ass in a vacant lot.




Ernest Hemingway
I felt the sun setting behind me, the smell of ocean salt faint in the air, that fateful night when I finished Joseph Kahn's movie Detention for the first time. It lingered on my lips like the first taste of a really good bourbon, after weeks spent drinking nothing but bottom-shelf swill. I'll never forget that moment. Maybe it wasn't the kind of move that would change me forever, but by God, I would tell people about it. And if they wouldn't listen... I would write.

Yes, I would write.


Revenge Honey Stabby Points: 3 1/2 out of 5