The Horror Honeys: Marty Majored in Cutting Class… MATES!

Marty Majored in Cutting Class… MATES!

A Revenge Honey Classic Review

Slaughter High (1986)

What could possibly be better than a fantastic horror MOVIE? Nothing really; just a SUPER TERRIBLE HORRIBLE RIDICULOUS AWFUL HORROR MOVIE!!!! Slaughter High (1986), written and directed by George Dugdale, Peter Litten, and Mark Ezra, is easily one of the silliest piece of garbage slasher flicks to come out in the 80s and yet… I adore it SO much that I feel compelled to share it with you this week as my Revenge Honey Classic Review.

After a stupidly elaborate prank on Doodsville High dork (that’s right… Doodsville) Marty Rantzen goes horribly wrong; the cool kids are left to watch, as Marty is burned alive and left horribly disfigured.  However many years later, those same cool kids are invited back to a high school reunion, and at said reunion, one by one, they start dying in hilarious and disgustingly gory ways that are surprisingly affective for such a low budget movie. So why, you may be thinking, is this movie so horrible? Let me break it down for you kiddies.

Hilarious Fact One: When the cool kids show up for the reunion, their old high school is a dump slated for demolition. But rather than get back in their cars and drive away when they discover that it’s been condemned, they decide to head on in and have a party anyway! Because obviously it’s totally normal that a high school reunion would be held in a condemned building. Totes classy dudes! PARTY TIME!

Hilarious Fact Two: The cool kid clique of eight are the only people to show up to their ten-year high school reunion. And that doesn’t strike any of them as odd. Because apparently, Doodsville High was only attended by eight super cool kids, dork-o-rama Marty, and a gym teacher. It makes you wonder how much of a nerd poor Marty must have been to get ousted from a group of kids THAT small. Ouchville, population you, bro!

Hilarious Fact Three: When the Genius Cool Kid Clique shows up for their super awesome high school reunion, there is a kindly old African-American caretaker there sweeping the hallways (who of course, is the first to die because… well… of course.) But lets just back up and process that. There is a caretaker sweeping the halls… of a condemned building that is slated for demolition any day now. Obviously when that building is going down, it is going down WITH CLEAN FLOORS GODDAMNIT!

Hilarious Fact Four: Perhaps one of the most hilarious moments of all is also one of the most hilarious deaths of all. While people are dying allllll around her, one member of our Genius Cool Kid Clique stops to take a bath. Because OBVIOUSLY this is a total normal reaction in a condemned building super fun high school reunion death spree. Luckily for the viewer, it ends up being an acid bath and she melts the fuck away in front of our eyes, which is awwwwwesome. So her moronic grooming habits are our gain!

Final Hilarious Fact/Conclusion: Of COURSE in the end, it’s all a dream, which is a lame ass plot point but at the time, it wasn’t quite as overused as it is today. So yeah, Slaughter High is a veritable orgy of fail. But it is my beloved, atrocious, favorite, fun, hilarious orgy of fail. If you’ve never seen Slaughter High, it’s fairly easy to find now, so frigging find it, would ya?

Revenge Honey Stabby Points: 4 out of 5