Revenge Wednesday Jam - 'Caught Out There'

So sick of your games, I'll set your truck to flames
And watch it blow up, blow up, tell me
How you gonna see it now
So far from sincere
Fabrications in my ear
Drive me so far up the wall
I come slidin' down

Years before her milkshake was bringing the boys to the yard (blech), Kelis was a badass bitch with no patience for bullshit. I was a sophomore in high school when "Caught Out There" started rotating on MTV and I was totally in love with her style, her beats, and best of all, her scream. What lady in the mood for a little revenge doesn't want to shriek along with Kelis, "I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW"? "Caught" is still a frigging killer anthem for women who have been fucked over, and the video is a blast. So forget about the milkshake; let this be the Kelis song you remember. ~RH

Horror Doesn't Have to Be Hetero!

A Revenge Honey Top 5 by Linnie

Straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, gender queer, asexual, polysexual... society is (blissfully) more accepting than ever when it comes to the way people choose to classify their sexuality. So why should horror films be confined to just one type of heteronormative lead? At San Diego Comic Con, there is an entire panel dedicated to queer horror, as members of the LGBTQIA community become even more active voices in horror cinema.

The following is a list of my favorite queer horror films... And no, I'm not including A Nightmare on Elm Street 2, because we have talked that one to death.

How that director didn't know...

So join me as we visit the wonderful world of queer horror!

Be Nice to The Janitor or He'll Rip Your Arms Off!

A Revenge Honey Review by Linnie

The Janitor (2003)

Thanks to being the weird kid in school who made friends with the custodian and Janitor from Scrubs basically being my spirit animal, I've always had a healthy appreciation for those who practice the custodial arts.

Yup. Spirit animal. Of all the Honeys, actually.

So, when I was offered a copy of TJ Nordiker and Andy Signore's The Janitor, I was stoked. A no-budget B-movie with a murderous janitor as the lead? Sign me up! And kids, I can say with the utmost confidence, that I wasn't one bit disappointed. The Janitor is pure, 100%, schlocky B-movie heaven and is not to be missed.

Horror TV Jam - 'TV Party'

Don't talk about anything else
We don't wanna know!
We're dedicated
To our favorite shows!
We sit glued to the T.V. set all night
And every night!
Why go into the outside world at all?
It's such a fright!

Admittedly, not Black Flag's best contribution to the music scene, but it is definitely something we can all relate to. Especially in this new world of Netflix binges. We are a society dedicated to our favorite shows and the outside world really is such a fright. ~HTH

True Blood Episode Recap ~ Season 7, Ep. 5 "Lost Cause"

A Horror TV Honey Episode Review by Lisa

True Blood ~ "Lost Cause"

After the awesomeness that was last week's episode, I was cautiously optimistic about this one. Well, it didn't suck all over the place, but it was a bit more melodramatic than necessary and it also felt as though it lagged in the middle. Mostly centered around a party to celebrate Tara and Alcide, despite Sookie's disapproval, many relationship issues were explored. Some were positive and some, well, just ended up creating more conflicts.

Always the super fab addition to any party, Lafayette did what he does best and brought everyone together to help heal broken hearts and move forward in life. The tension between Lafayette and James had been building since the season opener and it was so very lovely to see Lafayette get a little bit of love. Too bad James is currently in a relationship with Jessica. Jessica has been the worst girlfriend ever lately with her 100% self absorbed pity party. Any time James tries to reach out to her or help her, she rejects him, so, I'm not entirely sure how long she thought she could treat him like that until he became dissatisfied. Ultimately, she didn't seem that upset about the whole thing seeing as how it led her to sex with Jason. Jason and Jessica should be together, but we all know that Violet does not share this same sentiment. I cannot wait to see what Violet is going to do about this. The fact that she didn't rush into that bedroom and throw a fit like she usually does means she has something extra sinister planned. I suggest Jessica watch her back.
I think we all need to take a moment to applaud Lafayette and his well deserved, if poorly timed, reminder to everyone that he is, indeed, a person and not just "that queen that makes all you white heterosexuals laugh and feel good about yourselves. Has it ever fucking occurred to you that I want a piece of happiness too?" Preach it Lafayette, preach it! 

O.K. Sarah Newlin has a vampire sister. Yawn. The only thing interesting that came out of this conveniently brand new development was seeing Eric and Pam in their Texas finest. Every man looks good in cowboy boots and Pam really was a shining example of a Republicunt. (Seriously, we need to make Republicunt tee-shirts.) And the Yakuza?! I simply can't help wondering if the Yakuza are offended that they have been relegated to tracking down Sarah Newlin on True Blood. Seriously. Of all of the things that the Yakuza have been accused of, this has got to be somewhat of an embarrassment for them. While I did enjoy seeing my viking take the Yakuza out,  I do hope that it didn't zap too much of what little health and energy he has left.

Again, why is Lettie Mae alive? Alcide is dead, but this wackadoo is still going strong? Consider me confused and irritated, although, this has been my main emotion towards this show for quite a few seasons now.

Andy's proposal to Holly was a truly bright spot in an otherwise melancholy episode. Andy has always been a diamond in the rough. Every time you started to take him as a simpleminded lunkhead, he does something really lovely like easing Jessica of her guilt over the fae massacre. I love Andy Bellefleur and in my house, we still say, "I know that pig!" every time our chubby dog walks by. Andy deserves happiness and this was perfect; I sure do hope that he has gone through all of the tragedy that he is going to see. He has had enough.

I guess I have to acknowledge the flashbacks. They were boring and unnecessary. I am only guessing here, but they seemed to be foreshadowing the reveal at the end of the episode. Way back when, Bill Compton learned a hard lesson; a man can face death regardless of the color of his skin or the goodness of his soul. Well, it's 2014 and, apparently, a vampire can face death regardless of his age or the goodness of his soul. So, while this brings up a very interesting and new problem among the vampire community, I won't be surprised if Miss Soookie's blood is just the thing that Mr. Compton needs to cure his Hep-V. For better or worse, Bill and Sookie always end up saving one another. Or, wait for it, is she the one that infected him and because her blood is super powered that is why his Hep-V seems to be progressing at a much faster rate than Eric's? 

So many questions remain and I will remain optimistic that they will all be answered.

Horror TV Review ~ The Strain: S1 Ep 2 "The Box"

A Horror TV Honey Episode Review by Lisa

The Strain

Picking up right where we left off last week, we have Gus transporting the coffin and NOT observing the three rules of transporting, and we have a real mess on the floor that used to be named Dr. Bishop. O.K., seriously, you cannot kill characters with names like Peter Bishop before he has the chance to live up to his super obvious name. What the what The Strain? Also, what is Sean Astin doing in this besides being wasted in the background?

Meanwhile, back at the Stoneheart Group with their uber cool Lament Configuration looking elevator doors, weird vampire Nazi tells old dude that he will soon get to meet The Master. I, too, would like to meet The Master because this is already getting old. So far, the only thing I find interesting about old dude is his super cool high rise; it reminds me of Oldboy. Always the busy, little bee, creepy Nazi goes to visit everyone's new favorite concentration camp survivor in jail only to taunt him by referring to him only by his number, speaking of a deceased loved one and dropping an interesting nugget of information. "It's good that you are in here. It is the only place you can feel safe. Safer than the streets will be very soon." I am really looking forward to seeing Abraham dole out some justice with that sword of his.

The "character development" on this episode felt clunky and all over the place. So, Eph is a recovering alcoholic and he's trying to be a stand up guy despite the fact that his wife has moved another guy into the house that he is still paying for. I want to like Eph because, well, because he's Corey Stoll and it's kind of important to like your main character, but I'm not really feeling it yet. I enjoy seeing his relationship with his son, but the girlfriend is unnecessary and does nothing to endear me to him. Oh, and why was Diane being so bitchy with him? (She's probably as cranky about that hairpiece as I am.)

I am completely gobsmacked that the poor French guy really seemed to have no clue that his daughter did not return to him the way that she left him. However, I did enjoy seeing what came out of her and attacked him. I was also a big fan of the worms. I liked seeing them respond to the drop of blood Eph held over them and I really enjoyed seeing them moving around under the pilot's skin. Very creepy, very gross and very effective.

After all of the information that was shoved down our throats last week, this second episode felt a little slow and anticlimactic. There are some really great ideas here and I really do hope to see them play out in an engaging manner, but right now I'm just not feeling the overwhelming love for The Strain that others are feeling. Give me more Regina King, more action, more gore and more Neil Diamond and then we will really have something amazing happening.

Murder Monday Jam - 'Mein Teil'

The dull blade - good and proper
I'm bleeding heavily and feeling sick
Although I have to fight to stay awake
I keep eating while in convulsions
It's just so well seasoned
and so nicely flambéed
and so lovingly served on porcelain
and with it, a good wine and gentle candlelight
Yeat, I'll take my time

You've got to have some culture

I don't want to say that Germans are weird...but yeah, I'm kind of saying that. I'm also saying that I kinda like it. If I could fill my Murder Money Honey Jam space with ALL Rammstein, all the time? I totally would and #sorrynotsorry about it. Now, before you can say "Wait a minute, Kat, WTF does this have to do with Murder Monday?" let me fill you in. In 2001, in Germany, two men in their 40s, Armin Meiwes and Bernd Jürgen Armando Brandes met each other, removed and cooked Brenads' genitalia and then consumed it together. Afterwards, Meiwes killed Brandes (the donator of the supper meal) — with his permission — and then Meiwes ate his dinner companion's remains. Take that, Hannibal. I really can't get into a song unless it has a backstory. Is it just me? Guys? GUYS! ~HH

Slasher Honey's 10 More WTF Moments In Horror!

It's true that there are more than 10 moments in horror that leave you shaking your head and second guessing whether or not the writer/director has even seen a horror movie, so, here are a ten more of my favorites, or just the things that make me scream at the screen in frustration!

10. Not hanging up the phone/answering the phone
In modern horror films (and yes, some of the 80s ones too) when the killer is calling you from inside the house, you slam the phone down and run the hell away! Staying on the phone with a creepy stalker while they lay out their entire plan for maiming you in a horrifying fashion? How about no. When the killer keeps calling you, how about throwing your phone out the window or smashing it to bits? Just a suggestion.

9. Checking the breakers after the lights mysteriously go out
While this might be filed under "80s problems," when the power goes out, and the phone cord has been cut, and your cell phone is dead...don't go check on the breakers armed only with a flashlight, or a box of matches. Just huddle in the corner and kiss your butt goodbye.

8. Creating a monster you're pretty sure you can control
Now, there's something to be said for being a brilliant scientist - kudos. Using that brilliance to create a serum that will cure what ails mankind, even better - but using that high I.Q. to create a horrifying monster that you may or may not be able to control once it's agitated? Maybe not so smart. The mad scientist is usually the first casualty of their experiments, if they don't wind up turning into a monster themselves.

7. Ignoring local mythology/customs
Call me old fashioned, but when I go travelling, I make sure to check my attitude at the door and humble myself at the threshold of new experiences in foreign countries. Translation - just because you're American, doesn't mean you're going to survive. Also, deriding local customs or superstitions is more likely to get you turned into a nightcrawler than anything! So, really, just take the cross.

6. Splitting up a group
DUH - Perhaps one of the worst ideas in horror movies, it also makes it easier to pick off your team members. If you split up, the killer wins. So...don't do it, and don't announce it if you DO decide to do it.

5. Going into the basement
Similar to checking the breakers, going into the basement/crawlspace/attic/hole in the wall, will always end badly, or in a jump scare. Or, it ends in being possessed by Candarian demons and chained up down there with the old preserves until you get unceremoniously lit on fire or dismembered by your boyfriend or brother.

4. Filming everything
You people continually taking selfies, photographing your food, filming things on your damn phones or HD cameras can die first for all I care. In an age of "pictures or it didn't happen," most of history would be negated, and if you feel safe behind the lens of your grad gift, here's a little newsflash for you - NO ONE CARES. Least of all the killer.

3. Trying to reason with a monster
When has this ever ended well for anyone? Even Harry Potter had to admit that he couldn't reason with Professor Lupin once he was under the influence of the moon. While some monsters MAY have a gleam of humanity left to them, trying to reason with a charging, rabid and angry monster just might be a dumb idea. Much like sticking around to watch the transformation, trying to squeeze some humanity out of the zombie that used to be your family member might be a bad choice.

2. Saying "Hello" when exploring a mysterious noise in the dark
One of the oldest tropes in the book - if you have to call out "Hello" into a darkened house/room/area to convince yourself that you're NOT going to die actually works much the same way as screaming while running away. Don't give away your position if you want to live. Chances are, if the lights just went out suddenly, whoever is in the house with you, knows EXACTLY where you are, and *Spoiler Alert* it isn't your roomate/friend/cat that's in there with you.

1. Shooting zombies anywhere but the head
Sometimes I roll my eyes so hard it actually hurts me a little bit. Even though in horror movies the characters in them have miraculously never heard of, seen or are aware of any rules for horror movies or monsters - the "destroy the brain" theory for zombies has been around for a LONG time. Shooting zombies anywhere BUT the head is just redundant, or in some Walking Dead episodes, showboating.

Atta girl.